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In the last century the first man to walk on the moon said it was a giant leap for mankind However some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

In the last century the first man to walk on the moon said it was a giant leap for mankind However some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives v. 2
It is true that many people consider lunar exploration unnecessary as they think that it hardly brings any benefits to common people. However, I completely disagree with such views because such mission has inspired millions around the world to believe that it is possible to achieve those things which, sometimes, may look impossible. First of all, the results and effects of scientific experiments and researches take years to fructify. For example, scientists spend many years trying to find a new medicine, or trying to find a new fact about universe. These experiments in totality constitute the building block of human knowledge and intellect. There is a no need to correlate every event with the results produced. Secondly, the lunar mission, in particular, helped us to understand the landscape, environment and physical properties of another member in the solar mission. It provided impetus to do further research about other planets such as Mars. Since the resources and materials are depleting on our planet, scientists may be able to find another suitable planet for us for mass migration in the future. If such events happen in the future, the first credit will go to the successful lunar mission. Finally, we should never be complacent in our research and experiments. Moreover, outcome of a research may not always be seen immediate. It needs to be absolutely clear to all of us that the intention of the landing on the moon was not to improve the quality of our living in a short run. Therefore, in conclusion, young boys and girls have been inspired, and have started to believe that they could achieve everything thanks to lunar mission. I am wholly convinced that it was a great milestone and will remain as an important success in human history.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lunar
exploration unnecessary as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it hardly brings any benefits to common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, I completely disagree with such views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such mission has inspired millions around the world to believe that it is possible to achieve those things which,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, may look impossible.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the results and effects of scientific experiments and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
take years to fructify.
For example
, scientists spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years trying to find a new medicine, or trying to find a new fact about universe. These experiments in totality constitute the building block of human knowledge and intellect. There is a no need to correlate every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
with the results produced.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lunar
mission,
in particular
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to understand the landscape, environment and physical properties of another member in the solar mission. It provided impetus to do
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
about other planets such as Mars. Since the resources and materials are depleting on our planet, scientists may be able to find another suitable planet for us for mass migration in the future. If such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
happen in the future, the
first
credit will go to the successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lunar
mission.

Finally
, we should never be complacent in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and experiments.
Moreover
, outcome of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
may not always be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
immediate. It needs to be
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to all of us that the intention of the landing on the moon was not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of our living in a short run.

Therefore
,
in conclusion
, young boys and girls have
been inspired
, and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to believe that they could achieve everything thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lunar
mission. I am wholly convinced that it was a great milestone and will remain as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
success in human history.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In the last century the first man to walk on the moon said it was a giant leap for mankind However some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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