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Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v.2

Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 2
Truth be told, whether children should choose jobs similar to their parents' jobs or not has generated alot of controversy recently. The notion that it is best that children should either choose jobs that are similar to their parents or continue their business is a fascinating one and one that I believe in. In the following paragraphs I will mention the remarkable benefits of choosing a similar job to their parents' jobs for children. First and foremost, children can work for their parents when they are growing up. Working for parents has several advantages. Firstly, children can work part-time and they can obtain a good deal of money. Secondly, they can only work in summer time, when they are less engaged with their education. In this respect, most of companies do not accept part time workers neither do they employ a person only for summer. For instance, my cousin used to work in his father' s garage for two or three hours a day. Who else would hire a worker to work for only two hours a day other than his parent? Finally, when children grow up, they can find a job which is similar to their experience more easily, providing that they already have a lot of experience in that job. Moreover, another aspect of working for parents or in jobs similar to them, is the ability to exploit parents' experience. Chances are parents who have a job, are also experts in it, since they have been in the job for many years. For this reason, they can provide their children with a lot of knowledge and information regarding their own job if it similar to that of their childrens' . Take me as an example. Me and my father are both computer engineers. When I confront a problem in my work, my father is always there for me, and he provides me with beneficial information regarding the problem. Admiteddly, not to mention higher chances of success would be an oversight. When children continue their parents' business or they choose a similar career, they are more likely to succeed. If children continue their parents' business when they become adults, they do not need a considerable amount of money to invest in a new business. Furthermore, children do not need to form new business connections, because the network is already there, and they can exploit the existing business relationships to their benefit. For example, child of a renowned salesperson may continue selling products to all of his parent' s costumers. All in all, choosing jobs similar to parents brings about several merits to children. In this regard, they can grow up with a lot of practical experience as well as use their parents' experience and achievements to have a higher chance of success.
Truth be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
or not has generated
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of controversy recently. The notion that it is best that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should either choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is a fascinating one and one that I believe in. In the following paragraphs I will mention the remarkable benefits of choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for children.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they are growing up. Working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has several advantages.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
part-time and
they can obtain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
deal of money.
Secondly
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
Consider using "summer".
summer time
, when they are less engaged with their education. In this respect, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not accept
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
workers neither do they employ a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for summer.
For instance
, my cousin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s garage for two or three hours a day. Who else would hire a worker to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two hours a day other than his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
?
Finally
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow up, they can find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
more
easily
, providing that they already have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that job.

Moreover
, another aspect of working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to them, is the ability to exploit
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. Chances are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, are
also
experts in it, since they have been in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
For this reason
, they can provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge and information regarding their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to that of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens&
#039;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Take me as an example.
When referring to yourself and somebody else, put their name first. Also check whether the nominative form "I" is required here.
Me
and my father are both computer engineers. When I confront a problem in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, my father is always there for me, and he provides me with beneficial information regarding the problem.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Admiteddly
, not to mention higher chances of success would be an oversight. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
business or
they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
career, they are more likely to succeed. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
when they become adults, they do not need a considerable amount of money to invest in a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not need to form new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
connections,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the network is already there, and they can exploit the existing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
relationships to their benefit.
For example
, child of a renowned salesperson may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
selling products to all of his
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s costumers.

All in all, choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
similar
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
brings about several merits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In this regard, they can grow up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and achievements to have a higher chance of success.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
64Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay Agree/Disagree: It's better for children choose jobs that are similar to their parent' jobs than to choose job that are very different from their parents' jobs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
463 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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