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after leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. to what extent do you agree with this statement? v.3

after leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. v. 3
Many people hold the view that the salary is extremely important while choosing a career, others opine that loving an employment is what matters. Personally, I think that it's better to pursue a desirable occupation. Considering that doing a desirable profession is the key to realization, and that passion makes fulfilment. First of all, success requires passion so as long as one effectuate a desirable profession, he would be unlike succeeding in it. Nevertheless, devotion doesn't pay at the beginning, it’s finally worthwhile. Since, enthusiasm fuels the desire of realization and aspire to the personal development, which leads to a favourable outcome. For example, I remember when I have turned my talent To again-pain and opened "4 seasons restaurant "I used to start to task very late and slept only 2 hours per day. In spite of the fact that it was a very tiring job, I really enjoyed it and now my restaurant is one of the most famous restaurants in the city. To put it in another way, passion is pivotal to success. Secondly, the path to passion makes happy. Indeed, the passion doesn't only plugs into a dependable source of a rhapsodic in professional life, but it also provides happiness in personal life. When it comes to researching, they underling strong relationship between occupation Satisfaction and marriage lasting more than 73% of workers who are satisfied at the office, have most likely had a successful marriage. In other words loving a profession Pays outside the workplace. To summarize, the heart in any career enhances the chance to excel in it and drives to give the best version of ourselves, consequently, accomplishes welfare.
Many
people
hold the view that the salary is
extremely
important
while choosing a career, others opine that loving an employment is what matters.
Personally
, I
think
that it's better to pursue a desirable occupation. Considering that doing a desirable profession is the key to realization, and that
passion
makes
fulfilment
.

First of all
, success requires
passion
so
as long as one effectuate a desirable profession, he would be unlike succeeding in it.
Nevertheless
, devotion doesn't pay at the beginning, it’s
finally
worthwhile. Since, enthusiasm fuels the desire of realization and aspire to the personal development, which leads to a
favourable
outcome.
For example
, I remember when I have turned my talent

To again-pain and opened
"
4 seasons restaurant
"
I
used
to
start
to task
very
late and slept
only
2 hours per day.
In spite of
the fact that it was a
very
tiring job, I
really
enjoyed it and
now
my restaurant is one of the most
famous
restaurants in the city. To put it in another way,
passion
is pivotal to success.

Secondly
, the path to
passion
makes
happy.
Indeed
, the
passion
doesn't
only
plugs
into a dependable source of a rhapsodic in professional life,
but
it
also
provides happiness in personal life. When it
comes
to researching,
they underling
strong relationship between
occupation


Satisfaction and marriage lasting more than 73% of workers who
are satisfied
at the office, have most likely had a successful marriage.
In other words
loving a
profession


Pays outside the workplace.

To summarize
, the heart in any career enhances the chance to excel in it and drives to give the best version of ourselves,
consequently
, accomplishes welfare.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay after leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
275 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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