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After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.2

After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. v. 2
For some people, money is the biggest factor that determines their choice of career. They will pursue high-paying jobs even if they don’t enjoy it. Others, on the other hand, follow their heart and choose a career they love. Personally I believe that job satisfaction is far more important than salary. Jobs are an important aspect of life. An average human being spends a great deal of his or her time in the workplace. If you love your job, you don’t need another reason to get up early in the morning and leave for work. People who enjoy their job look forward to going to their workplace every morning. Moreover, if you enjoy your work, you are more likely to prosper in your career. You may not earn a huge pay packet in the beginning, but your passion for your profession will ultimately take you places. On the other hand, if you are in a career that you detest, you are unlikely to have the motivation to go to work. This lack of enthusiasm will ultimately limit your chances of professional growth. Worse still, if you don’t like your job, it could stress you out and lead to many health problems. This doesn’t necessarily mean that money is not important. Of course, it is. You are unlikely to be happy if you do not earn enough to make a living. However, there is no justification for doing something that you don’t enjoy just for the sake of making more money. In conclusion, it is clear that choosing a career that one loves has many advantages over choosing one just for the sake of money. If you love what you do, your chances of success are pretty high and money will follow.
For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the biggest factor that determines their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. They will pursue high-paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
even if they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
it. Others,
on the other hand
, follow their heart and choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
.
Personally
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than salary.

Jobs are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of life. An average human being spends a great deal of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
time in the workplace. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, you don’t need another reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up early in the morning and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
for work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
look forward to going to their workplace every morning.
Moreover
, if you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
your work, you are more likely to prosper in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. You may not earn a huge pay packet in the beginning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
your passion for your profession will
ultimately
take you places.
On the other hand
, if you are in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that you detest, you are unlikely to have the motivation to go to work. This lack of enthusiasm will
ultimately
limit your chances of professional growth. Worse
still
, if you don’t like your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
you out and lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems.

This doesn’t
necessarily
mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Of course
, it is. You are unlikely to be happy if you do not earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living.
However
, there is no justification for doing something that you don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of making more money.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loves
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages over choosing one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
what you do, your chances of success are pretty high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will follow.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay After leaving school or university, young people should choose a job or career that they love, rather than one that pays the best salary. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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