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Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 3
Many people believe that young adults ought to go to college in order to advance their education, however others suppose that teenagers should be encouraged to do a job so as to serve society such as mechanics, builders and so on. On the other hand, young individuals who continue their education will be able to widen their knowledge about their majors as much as possible. It not only benefits their study, but also the knowledge will not be forgotten. Furthermore, the youth has been capable of contributing to the country's improvement. For example, a few students in China who majored in the Informatics Insitute of Technology created a magnetic gate called Raspberry Pi. It is a convinient and safe invention which could be useful in daily life. On the other hand, however, students who start working instead of going to university have demonstrated better experience because it is one of the most essential elements to be a successful person. For instance, my sister who has worked as a tour guide after graduating high school have been able to speak many languages since she has travelled and learnt during her excursion. Moreover, it is the best way to save money as going to college would cost an amount of fortune. To sum up, the young going to university will have varied opportunities to widen their horrizons, whereas, people beginning to do a job would be able to achieve experienced job in the future. It seems to me that continue to study to extend majors would show better result
Many
people
believe that young adults ought to go to college in order to advance their education,
however
others suppose that
teenagers
should
be encouraged
to do a job
so as to
serve society such as mechanics, builders and
so
on.

On the other hand
, young individuals
who
continue their education will be able to widen their knowledge about their majors as much as possible. It not
only
benefits their study,
but
also
the knowledge will not
be forgotten
.
Furthermore
, the youth has been capable of contributing to the country's improvement.
For example
, a few students in China
who
majored in the Informatics
Insitute
of Technology created a magnetic gate called Raspberry Pi. It is a
convinient
and safe invention which could be useful in daily life.

On the other hand
,
however
, students
who
start
working
instead
of going to university have demonstrated better experience
because
it is one of the most essential elements to be a successful person.
For instance
, my sister
who
has worked as a tour guide after
graduating
high school have been able to speak
many
languages since she has travelled and
learnt
during her excursion.
Moreover
, it is the best way to save money as going to college would cost an amount of fortune.

To sum up, the young going to university will have varied opportunities to widen their
horrizons
, whereas,
people
beginning to do a job would be able to achieve experienced job in the future. It seems to me that continue to study to extend majors would
show
better
result
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some people think young people should go to university to further their education while others think they should been encouraged to work as car mechanics or builders etc. to serve society. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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