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Advisor Meetings Should No Longer Be RequiredAt present, students are required to meet with their academic advisors before the beginning of every semester. The advisors help students select courses and advise them on graduation requirements. However, I do v.1

Advisor Meetings Should No Longer Be RequiredAt present, students are required to meet with their academic advisors before the beginning of every semester. The advisors help students select courses and advise them on graduation requirements. However, I do v. 1
There is no doubt that cultures have always been responsible for togetherness of individuals. There are a lot of people who believe cultures are more alike around the globe than before. I completely agree with this statement and I will support my view with examples. First and Foremost, Globalisation should be considered as the biggest reason behind brining all the civilizations together. Nowadays, People have moved out of their country in order to settle in different part of the world brining in a little culture of their own. For instance, a person of Indian origin moves to the USA indulging himself in their festivals and occasions. This is because people are more interested in knowing other cultures and welcome others with open hearts. As a result, the world has become one big civilization and makes it easier for people to move and immigrate in a foreign country. However, some people would argue that because of it, we are losing the originality of one's culture. For Example, Few of the Indian festivals such as Diwali and Holi are not being celebrated with such enthusiasm in the contemporary era. It is more because of the individuals who have moved out of their home town and often don't come back to celebrate festivals. Therefore, Collaborating their culture with others is individuals decision not a forced one. In my view, although some people do believe their culture is losing its existence. I think that we are cultivating new cultures and making this world a better place for future generations.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
have always been responsible for togetherness of individuals. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are more alike around the globe than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and I will support my view with examples.

First
and Foremost,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Globalisation' is British English.
Globalisation
should
be considered
as the biggest reason behind brining all the civilizations together. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
out of their country in order to settle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part of the world brining in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For instance
, a person of Indian origin
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to the USA indulging himself in their festivals and occasions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested in knowing other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and welcome others with open hearts.
As a result
, the world has become one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
civilization and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
and immigrate in a foreign country.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it, we are losing the originality of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
For Example
, Few of the Indian festivals such as Diwali and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Holi
are not
being celebrated
with such enthusiasm in the contemporary era. It is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the individuals who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
out of their home town and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to celebrate festivals.
Therefore
, Collaborating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
with others is individuals decision not a forced one.

In my view, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do believe their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is losing its existence. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we are cultivating new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and making this world a better place for future generations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Advisor Meetings Should No Longer Be RequiredAt present, students are required to meet with their academic advisors before the beginning of every semester. The advisors help students select courses and advise them on graduation requirements. However, I do v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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