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Advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Give your opinion and examples. v.4

Advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Give your opinion and examples. v. 4
In this modern era, most of the people have become addicted to the consumer goods. The Living standard of the people has improved with these goods. Even consumer goods like automobiles, home appliances and mobile phones have become the status symbol for individuals. But, I think, the demerits of this trend cannot be overlooked. On one hand, there are a number of benefits of consumer goods. Firstly a person can do all his or her household chores with the one click of the button. For instance, they have washing machines and microwave ovens for washing clothes and to cook food within seconds respectively. Secondly, due to globalisation everything is available in today's markets people buy goods beyond their limits to look cool or stylish. They purchase branded mobile phones to show their bank balance to others. Moreover, we can talk with anyone throughout the globe with the help of cell phones. So, due to the consumer good life of humans become very comfortable. On the other hand, the disadvantages of consumer goods cannot be neglected, because the availability of consumer goods becomes the reason for the gap between the two generations. These days, young ones love to be online on social networking sites they even do not talk with their parents. Furthermore, people who have the branded gadgets or the latest cars earn respectable positions in the society and this is a degradation of morality and social value. Adding to this, home appliances like refrigerator and air conditioners produce trash each day this is increasing dangerously. That further leads to environment pollution. Last but not the least, most of the technologies used for developing consumer products are harmful to human health and that is why human life is going to in danger. In conclusion, availability of consumer products at an affordable price is a positive trend as it helps people to live a better life. Whereas negative sides of the trend cannot be forgotten. Social, personal and environmental problems are increasing due to this trend and it might be a serious threat for the future generation.
In this modern era, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. The Living standard of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
like automobiles, home appliances and mobile phones have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the status symbol for individuals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the demerits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
cannot
be overlooked
.

On one hand, there are a number of benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
Firstly
a person can do all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
household chores with the one click of the button.
For instance
, they have washing machines and microwave ovens for washing clothes and to cook food within seconds
respectively
.
Secondly
, due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
everything is available in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's markets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
beyond their limits to look cool or stylish. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
branded mobile phones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their bank balance to others.
Moreover
, we can talk with anyone throughout the globe with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of cell phones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
life of humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable.

On the other hand
, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
cannot
be neglected
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
the reason for the gap between the two generations. These days, young ones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to be online on social networking sites they even do not talk with their parents.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have the branded gadgets or the latest cars earn respectable positions in the society and this is a degradation of morality and social value. Adding to this, home appliances like refrigerator and air conditioners produce trash each day this is increasing
dangerously
. That
further
leads to environment pollution.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, most of the technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
products are harmful to human health and
that is
why human life is going to in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.

In conclusion
, availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
products at an affordable price is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
cannot
be forgotten
. Social, personal and environmental problems are increasing due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and it might be a serious threat for the future generation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive or a negative trend? Give your opinion and examples. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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