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advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive trend or a negative trend? Give your own opinion and example. v.3

advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive trend or a negative trend? Give your own opinion and example. v. 3
In this modern era, we are constantly surrounded by advertisements in the form of television commercials, flyers and radio adverts. Different people have distinct mindsets regarding advertisements. However, I believe that this phenomenon has brought more superiority like socials and economical benefits as compared to the disadvantage of children’s lives. To embark with, there is a number of positive effects of advertising on society as well on the economy of the nation. Firstly, advertising can help create more employment opportunities. As the demand for products and services increase because of adverts, more people are needed to manufacture, supply, and transport those products and services. Since a vast number of people are engaged in these production activities, therefore, followed by more employments are created in society. Besides this, advertisements can encourage companies to compete and provide new advance products. Therefore, consumers are more likely to benefit from the products that meet their requirements. Furthermore, advertising informs us about the choice we have and the use of these products. For example, Kelloggs’ cornflakes have a variety of flavors for different ranges to offer for different age groups and now also for people want to lose weight, consequently, give consumers different choices to select from. So, without advertising, we would have fewer choices. Nevertheless, some people believed that the emergence of advertisements can have detrimental effects on children’s lives. One can not deny the fact that the majority of adverts are target at children and encourage them to purchase and utilize products that do not comply with social norms. To illustrate this, fast food companies overrated the quality of their product and tempt children to use such nutrients which lack proper ingredients and contain high level of sugar and saturated fat, leading to chronic health issues such as obesity and heart disease. In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against the advertisement, however, I believe that the positive side of the advertisement from a social and economic perspective outweighs the negative side. And I recommended that advertising should be regulated and controlled which aimed at children.
In this modern era, we are
constantly
surrounded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
in the form of television commercials, flyers and radio adverts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have distinct mindsets regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
However
, I believe that this phenomenon has brought more superiority like socials and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
benefits as compared to the disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To embark with, there is a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of advertising on society
as well
on the economy of the nation.
Firstly
, advertising can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
create more employment opportunities. As the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of adverts, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are needed
to manufacture, supply, and transport those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services. Since a vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are engaged
in these production activities,
therefore
, followed by more employments
are created
in society.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to compete and provide new advance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Therefore
, consumers are more likely to benefit from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their requirements.

Furthermore
, advertising informs us about the choice we have and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For example
,
The food company is spelled "Kellogg's" (with a possessive apostrophe).
Kelloggs
’ cornflakes have a variety of flavors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ranges to offer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
age groups and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
also
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to lose weight,
consequently
, give consumers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
choices to select from.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, without advertising, we would have fewer choices.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed that the emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can have detrimental effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. One can not deny the fact that the majority of adverts are target at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that do not comply with social norms. To illustrate this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
overrated the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and tempt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such nutrients which lack proper ingredients and contain high level of sugar and saturated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, leading to chronic health issues such as obesity and heart disease.

In conclusion
, there are convincing arguments both for and against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
however
, I believe that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
from a social and economic perspective outweighs the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side. And I recommended that advertising should
be regulated
and controlled which aimed at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay advertising is influencing people more and more. Is this a positive trend or a negative trend? Give your own opinion and example. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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