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There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v.4

There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v. 4
People have different views about the ways watching films. While it is true that it would be convenient to see films on phones or tablets, I believe that being in the cinema would be more enjoyable for people. Thanks to the technology advances nowadays everyone can use their smartphone or other similar digital devices simply as a video player. For example, in every laptop which has a Microsoft windows operating system, there is a software for playing movies which called windows media player. Definitely having such a convenient gadget People are less willing to go to the movies no matter how good the movies are. Moreover, Research shows that having such devices is a contributing factor in reducing the number of people who go to movie venues. However, from my point of view, there are several compelling reasons which support going to movies for watching movies. First of all since basically men are social creatures they need to be in touch with each other, therefore attendance in cinema would satisfy this need. Moreover, going out could be fun and can relieve people from daily stresses. Another reason which should be considered is that some movies may only be shown in the cinema and may not be sold outside it, so the only way for watching this kind of movies is being at the locations where such films are being screened otherwise, we may be deprived from enjoying these movies which might be exclusive and very valuable. In conclusion, from my perspective while most of people tend to see their favourite movies in their digital players, I would prefer to see them with others in the cinema.
People
have
different
views about the ways watching films. While it is true that it would be convenient to
see
films on phones or tablets, I believe that being in the
cinema
would be more enjoyable for
people
.

Thanks to the technology advances nowadays everyone can
use
their smartphone or other similar digital devices
simply
as a video player.
For example
, in every laptop which has a
Microsoft windows
operating system, there is a software for playing
movies
which called
windows media player
. Definitely having such a convenient gadget
People
are less willing to go to the
movies
no matter how
good
the
movies
are.
Moreover
, Research
shows
that having such devices is a contributing factor in reducing the number of
people
who go to
movie
venues.

However
, from my point of view, there are several compelling reasons which support going to
movies
for watching
movies
.
First of all
since
basically
men
are social creatures they need to be in touch with each other,
therefore
attendance in
cinema
would satisfy this need.
Moreover
, going out could be fun and can relieve
people
from daily
stresses
. Another reason which should
be considered
is that
some
movies
may
only
be shown
in the
cinema
and may not
be sold
outside it,
so
the
only
way for watching this kind of
movies
is being at the locations where such films are
being screened
otherwise
, we may be
deprived from
enjoying these
movies
which might be exclusive and
very
valuable.

In conclusion
, from my perspective while most of
people
tend to
see
their
favourite
movies
in their digital players, I would prefer to
see
them with others in the
cinema
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v. 4

Essay
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resources: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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