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TPO-47 - Independent Writing TaskDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v.2

TPO-47 - Independent Writing Task It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2
In today' s world, all people have been trying to access the news and event are being happened all around the world. With this in mind, a heated controversy exists as to whether it is crucial to know about events happening around the world even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. Some people believe that it is effective to focus just on the event which is related to themselves, while others do not agree with them. I, personally, think that it is beneficial to be informed about all news and event which are happening around the world for some reasons, two of which are having knowledge always is an advantage and individuals can evaluate their life, will be substantiated in the following paragraphs. The first reason which comes to my mind in order to support my idea why knowing about events happening around the word is important is that if an individual has any knowledge, it will help you in some situation. Being informed about news and event provide an opportunity for people to make a right decision even though events have not had any effect on their own lives. It is my personal experience that illustrates this fact clearly. Since I was at university, some events including political and economic issues have been occurring in some European countries. At that moment those events had not any effect on my daily life, but I could learn quite a few things about this event which helped me 2 years later. When I was about to select one university for my higher education, I decided to choose the countries in which those sort of event has not happened. Therefore, this decision paves the way for me to reach my goal in terms of being in the calm and stable country. The other equally reason to support my claim that knowing about events is important even if they do not affect people' s lives is that by knowing about the news, people are capable of evaluating their lives and compare their own lives with foreign' people. The more individuals know about news and events, the more they try to be better in terms of living level. The research recent which is done by a renowned university in Iran has been revealed that the people who are more aware of events and news happening around the world are more satisfied with their life, and also they try to receive their goals in life because they think that there are not far-fetched goal in this hectic life. Therefore, the most profound impact of knowing about news is that people can be familiarized with other people' s goal and know about their life All in all, by taking all the aforementioned reasons and examples, one can conclude that it is undeniable to know about events happening around the world because not only have people know about this event help them but also they can evaluate their life and be a successful person who reaches their goals.
In
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today&
#039; s
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world
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been trying to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
are
being happened
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. With this in mind, a heated controversy exists
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
it is crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is effective to focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
which
is related
to themselves, while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. I,
personally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is beneficial to
be informed
about all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, two of which are having knowledge always is an advantage and individuals can evaluate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, will
be substantiated
in the following paragraphs.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to my mind in order to support my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the word is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is that if an individual has any knowledge, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation.
Being informed
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
provide an opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right decision
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have not had any effect on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. It is my personal experience that illustrates this fact
clearly
. Since I was at university,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
including political and economic issues have been occurring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
European countries. At that moment those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
had not any effect on my daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I could learn quite a few things about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me 2 years later. When I was about to select one university for my higher education, I decided to choose the countries in which
Did you mean "this sort" or "those sorts"?
those sort
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
has not happened.
Therefore
, this decision paves the way for me to reach my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
in terms of being in the calm and stable country.

The other
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to support my claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
even if they do not affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
is that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are capable of evaluating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and compare their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
foreign&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The more individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, the more they try to be better in terms of living level.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
research recent which
is done
by a renowned university in Iran has
been revealed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are more satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and
also
they try to receive their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are not far-fetched
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
in this hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, the most profound impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowing
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be familiarized
with other
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goal
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about their life

All in all, by taking all the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples, one can conclude that it is undeniable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can evaluate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and be a successful person who reaches their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goals
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
79Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay TPO-47 - Independent Writing Task It is important to know about events happening around the world, even if it is unlikely that they will affect your daily life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
505 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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