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Advertisements are influencing us in a negative way, to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Advertisements are influencing us in a negative way, v. 1
Advertisements are horning with the growth in multimedia. While many people believe that they have adverse effects on humans and lead people in the wrong direction. This essay will discuss why I completely agree with this proposition with some reason. Usually there will be, commercial breaks in the midset of a show telecast for around more or less 10 mins. While these breaks are meant to advertise a particular product, thereby covering and motivating the consumers to buy the goods. Most of this broadcast tends to market the products that are harmful. For example, the instant noodles ads are so mesmerizing that had caught many children’s interest and made them fond of it, which is toxic to their growth and health. Thereby kids will become addicted and in the long run it will cause malnutrition for them. Secondly, these commercials will also spread bad ideas in society. Due to these wrong information people will more likely to follow them as a result it will destroy their character. To illustrate this with an example, in some of the broadcasts they will show that men were dominating women. When a young child saw this it will give them a wrong impression that dominating is the correct way of leading life, which is wrong. Hence it will result in poor upbringing. To conclude, in this essay we discussed the two reasons why TV ads are driving people in negative ways, such as imposing less nutrition product and throwing bad thoughts over kids are to name but a few. In my opinion I fully agree and with this statement
Advertisements are
Possible spelling mistake found.
horning
with the growth in multimedia. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they have adverse effects on humans and lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
direction. This essay will discuss why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this proposition with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason.

Usually
there will be, commercial breaks in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
midset
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
telecast for around more or less 10
Possible spelling mistake found.
mins
. While these breaks
are meant
to advertise a particular product, thereby covering and motivating the consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. Most of this broadcast tends to market the products that are harmful.
For example
, the instant noodles ads are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mesmerizing that had caught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children’s interest and made them fond of it, which is toxic to their growth and health. Thereby kids will become addicted and in the long run it will cause malnutrition for them.

Secondly
, these commercials will
also
spread
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in society. Due to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will more likely to follow them
as a result
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their character. To illustrate this with an example, in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
broadcasts they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were dominating women. When a young child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this it will give them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
impression that dominating is the correct way of leading life, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wrong
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it will result in poor upbringing.

To conclude
, in this essay we discussed the two reasons why TV ads are driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ways, such as imposing less nutrition product and throwing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thoughts over kids are to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few. In my opinion I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and with this
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
statement
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertisements are influencing us in a negative way, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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