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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.20

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 20
There is no doubt that the number of obese people is substantially increasing which has been straining the health care system. To counter the issue, people believe that more physical education classes should be added in schools. In my opinion, I completely agree that this is the best way to counter the issue of deteriorating health concerning weight. Firstly, dealing with the issue surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing more sports and exercise in school. This method will ensure the future generation to be healthier and not have such problems. For instance, an average child does sport twice a week, which is not enough to counteract their sedentary lifestyle. However, by incorporating more sports and fitness classes, they will undoubtedly be fitter and active. Another point to consider is that having more sports for children in school will probably result in children developing an interest which might filter through other members of their family and have a longer effect. In other words, they would develop this as their habit and incorporate their lifestyle in adult life. Moreover, the parents being more involved with the kids would also be impacted by the benefits of increased physical activity. This is certainly a natural and long-lasting way to improve public health. In conclusion, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight people, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing sports in curricular is the easiest and most effective method used.
There is no doubt that the number of obese
people
is
substantially
increasing which has been straining the health care system. To counter the issue,
people
believe that more physical education classes should be
added
in schools. In my opinion, I completely
agree
that this is the best way to counter the issue of deteriorating health concerning weight.

Firstly
, dealing with the issue surrounding obesity and weight problems is best solved by taking a long term approach and introducing more
sports
and exercise in school. This method will ensure the future generation to be healthier and not have such problems.
For instance
, an average child does
sport
twice a week, which is not
enough
to counteract their sedentary lifestyle.
However
, by incorporating more
sports
and fitness classes, they will
undoubtedly
be fitter and active.

Another point to consider is that having more
sports
for children in school will
probably
result in children developing an interest which might filter through other members of their family and have a longer effect.
In other words
, they would develop this as their habit and incorporate their lifestyle in adult life.
Moreover
, the parents being more involved with the kids would
also
be impacted
by the benefits of increased physical activity. This is
certainly
a natural and long-lasting way to
improve
public health.

In conclusion
, to deal with an increasing population of unfit, overweight
people
, changing the lifestyle of the coming generation by introducing
sports
in curricular is the easiest and most effective method
used
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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