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Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extend do you agree? v.1

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. v. 1
Many divergent views exist on how best to regulate working hours in the 21st century. A great number of people, including myself, are of the opinion that advancement in technical platforms and automation have curtailed the need for manual work; hence, working hours should be minimized. In this essay, I will explain the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter. The primary reason to reduce employees’ working hours is that most of the companies nowadays equipped with advanced technology, which can eliminate human interaction. It goes without saying that when companies acquire advanced automation technology to maximize production and the necessity of workforce is shrunk due to lack of manual work. The Audi automobile company is a shining example of this as they had many labors for car production, but in 2007, they obtained robotics arms which can build many cars in a day compared to skilled workers. As a result, they were able to reduce their staff hours and hired technical force to maintain the robots. Not only such technology leads to a reduction of manual interaction but it also benefits a company to a great extent. It stands to the reason that adaptation of the technology in an organization can bring enormous profits. This means that if 100 employees’ tasks can be completed by one single worker with the advancement in communication technologies such as email, phone, and the Internet; it helps employers to curb the direct cost of the company. Unsurprisingly, a 2007 study conducted by a team of researchers at the The University of Toronto found that 70% of companies were able to recover from their debt after implementing a new communication platform that allowed employees to work from home as these companies were able to save money on physical office space. To sum up, I hold to the opinion that working hours should be reduced as this can be beneficial to the companies to improve their production and profit through advance technological platforms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
divergent views exist on how best to regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in the 21st century. A great number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including myself, are of the opinion that advancement in technical platforms and automation have curtailed the need for manual work;
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
should
be minimized
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the rationale for my viewpoint on the matter.

The primary reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
nowadays equipped with advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, which can eliminate human interaction. It goes without saying that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
acquire advanced automation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to maximize production and the necessity of workforce
is shrunk
due to lack of manual work. The Audi automobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is a shining example of this as they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
labors for car production,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2007, they obtained robotics arms which can build
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cars in a day compared to skilled workers.
As a result
, they were able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and hired technical force to maintain the robots.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
leads to a reduction of manual interaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
benefits a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to a great extent. It stands to the reason that adaptation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in an organization can bring enormous profits. This means that if 100 employees’ tasks can
be completed
by one single worker with the advancement in communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
such as email, phone, and the Internet; it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
employers to curb the direct cost of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
Unsurprisingly
, a 2007 study conducted by a team of researchers at
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "The" is left.
the The
University of Toronto found that 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were able to recover from their debt after implementing a new communication platform that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
employees to work from home as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were able to save money on physical office space.

To sum up, I hold to the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as this can be beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their production and profit through advance technological platforms.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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