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Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. v. 3
The implementation of sophisticated technology and robotics in production processes causing less demand for manpower. Because of this factor, the number of man hours must be decreased. I personally agree with this opinion, and I will explain why in this essay. Firstly, I strongly believe that people should benefit from technological advances and I give several reasons to back my opinion up regarding this case. For example, when working hours reduced, people can spend more time with their families and pay more attention to their loved ones and this fact can lead to the improvement of workers' mental conditions. There is another positive fact is that when people have more time out of work, they might start spending their free time to visit various sport centres for improving their health and this could be beneficial for both employers and employees. Finally, when workers have an extra time they might spend their time for improving their qualifications or adapt news skills. Saying all above, I do understand that there are negative aspects which we can’t ignore. For instance, due to the reduction of working hours, the salaries of workers might be reduced and that can affect the financial condition of employees and their families. Furthermore, some people might have to change their qualifications and even can lose their jobs. And also, young people with lower qualifications or without experience might face difficulties while getting new jobs in a company with sophisticated work processes. Overall, in my opinion, the introduction of modern and advanced technologies in work places will have more advantages than drawbacks. So we have to focus more on positive facts rather that negative ones.
The implementation of sophisticated technology and robotics in production processes causing less demand for manpower.
Because of this
factor, the number of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
man hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be decreased
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in this essay.

Firstly
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should benefit from technological advances and I give several reasons to back my opinion up regarding this case.
For example
, when working hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their families and pay more attention to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and this fact can lead to the improvement of workers' mental conditions. There is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
fact is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
out of work, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
spending their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to visit various sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
for improving their health and this could be beneficial for both employers and employees.
Finally
, when workers have an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for improving their qualifications or adapt news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Saying all above, I do understand that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects which we can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
For instance
, due to the reduction of working hours, the salaries of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and that can affect the financial condition of employees and their families.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their qualifications and even can lose their jobs. And
also
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with lower qualifications or without experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
face difficulties while getting new jobs in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
with sophisticated work processes.

Overall
, in my opinion, the introduction of modern and advanced technologies in work places will have more advantages than drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus more on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
facts
rather
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ones.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labor. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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