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Today people have unhealthy diets and do not exercise. What do you think why it is so. What are the reasons? Suggest some solutions for solving this situation. v.1

Today people have unhealthy diets and do not exercise. What do you think why it is so. What are the reasons? Suggest some solutions for solving this situation. v. 1
Over the past few years, advancement in technology has made human life easy and more comfortable; however, it has made some detrimental impact on people's life such as they tend to eat unhealthy food and do little workouts.   In this essay, I will find out its reasons and try to draw some solutions to minimise its negative impacts on human's life. To begin with, the main reason for people's unhealthy lifestyle is too much workload in the office. This means they have to work for extra hours in the office and so they cannot spare enough time to make food for themselves at home; eventually, inadvertently they opt for fast food or other readymade package food for them because they are ready to make and tasty despite unhealthy. Another compelling reason is technological advancement which affects greatly to human's life. For example, a few years ago people tend to walk some distance to reach their office when they commute to their workplace and now almost everyone has a car and they do not have to walk. Additionally, home appliances such as advanced dishwasher, microwave oven, and so on have made physical work for a man unlike some years ago. Hence, their passive form of exercises has been increasingly reduced. There are few solutions to mitigate the situation. Firstly, individuals should be made known via health awareness programs by the government about benefits of healthy diet and the detrimental effect of junk food and ready-made package food. Moreover, the authority ought to emphasise on building more gyms at a nominal fee in each city so that more people take benefit of them. Secondly, the government should mandate physical education starting from the primary education and they should be graded with their examination with sports performance along with their academic so that pupils encouraged about their health from their childhood. Finally, the government should enforce stringent employment laws that help people to reduce their overtime work and make their work life balance. In Conclusion, people living unhealthy lifestyle owing to extra workload given by their employers and advances in technology. However, to kerb this situation, the government come forward for the society by providing education and awareness.
Over the past few years, advancement in technology has made human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easy and more comfortable;
however
, it has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
such as they tend to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
workouts.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In this essay, I will find out its reasons and try to draw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on human's life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main reason for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle is too much workload in the office. This means they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for extra hours in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
office and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for themselves at home;
eventually
,
inadvertently
they opt for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or other
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymade
package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and tasty despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
. Another compelling reason is technological advancement which affects
greatly
to human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, a few years ago
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to walk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distance to reach their office when they commute to their workplace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
almost everyone has a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
car and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
walk.
Additionally
, home appliances such as advanced dishwasher, microwave oven, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on have made physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
unlike
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years ago.
Hence
, their passive form of exercises has been
increasingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

There are few solutions to mitigate the situation.
Firstly
, individuals should
be made
known via health awareness programs by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
about benefits of healthy diet and the detrimental effect of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and ready-made package
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Moreover
, the authority ought to
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
on building more gyms at a nominal fee in each city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take benefit of them.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should mandate physical education starting from the primary
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they should
be graded
with their examination with sports performance along with their academic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that pupils encouraged about their health from their childhood.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should enforce stringent employment laws that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance.

In Conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle owing to extra workload
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by their employers and advances in technology.
However
, to
Possible spelling mistake. 'kerb' is British English.
kerb
this situation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward for the society by providing education and awareness.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Today people have unhealthy diets and do not exercise. What do you think why it is so. What are the reasons? Suggest some solutions for solving this situation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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