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As a result of medical sciences, the average life expectancy is increasing for men and women. <br><br> Do you think most people see it as a positive development? <br> What are disadvantages of the ageing population for individuals and society? v.1

As a result of medical sciences, the average life expectancy is increasing for men and women. <br><br> Do you think most people see it as a positive development? <br> What are disadvantages of the ageing population for individuals and society? v. 1
Life expectancy has soared nowadays which means that people are living for more years than before, and credit for this surely goes to the advanced health care facilities available in the contemporary world. Yes, most people view it as an advantageous development, as we can expect our dear ones to be with us for more time. As only after retirement one usually gets much time to spend with oneself and family. Therefore, one has more years to rejoice what life has to offer. Moreover, old people in the organisations are the most knowledgeable people, who can help and guide the young employees to acquire proficiency in various skills. Take an example of a senior database administrator, who can only offer valuable information to the trainees who have just joined the company. On the contrary, this also has some subtle disadvantages. Not everyone is healthy enough to enjoy old age gracefully. Sometimes one gets so weak that he/she feels difficult to carry out even mundane tasks. But they have no other option than just passing their days somehow. Apart from that, governments are now burdened with providing old age provisions to more number of people than the past. Ultimately, it forces young people in the workforce to pay more taxes, to generate more money for these additional expenditures of management of the country. Being old and dependent is something which is increasing recently due to the increased life span. In crux, I would say that quantum jump in life expectancy has numerous constructive impacts. However, it does have given rise to some problems too for both individuals and society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
expectancy has soared nowadays which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living for more years than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and credit for this
surely
goes to the advanced health care facilities available in the contemporary world.

Yes, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
view it as an advantageous development, as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
our dear ones to be with us for more time. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after retirement one
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
much time to spend with oneself and family.
Therefore
, one has more years to rejoice what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
offer.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
are the most knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and guide the young employees to acquire proficiency in various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Take an example of a senior database administrator, who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer valuable information to the trainees who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the contrary
, this
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
subtle disadvantages. Not everyone is healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age
gracefully
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
weak that he/she feels difficult to carry out even mundane tasks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they have no other option than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
passing their days somehow. Apart from that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
burdened with providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age provisions to more number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than the past.
Ultimately
, it forces young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the workforce to pay more taxes, to generate more money for these additional expenditures of management of the country. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and dependent is something which is increasing recently due to the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span.

In crux, I would say that quantum jump in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy has numerous constructive impacts.
However
, it does have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems too for both individuals and society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay As a result of medical sciences, the average life expectancy is increasing for men and women. <br><br> Do you think most people see it as a positive development? <br> What are disadvantages of the ageing population for individuals and society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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