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Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People’s access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available. v.1

Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People’s access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available. v. 1
Health care is one of the most important issues. Nevertheless, modern medical services are costly and seem to be far-reaching from the poor. From my point of view, all human being has the right to get the best medicines available now, everybody deserves to be treated equally in all circumstances. According to many research reports, the level of people who cannot access advanced medical treatments is very high, more and more poor persons have been taken serious diseases. Consider a lot of developing countries for example, there are poor people dying of cancers and other major diseases due to the lack of treatments. It is indisputable that all citizens should have the same right to receive good health services from the government. Furthermore, the purpose of almost every hospital is to try their best to save the patients. If the medical branch keeps on maintaining the high price of advanced medical treatment, the poor will cope with a wide variety of financial pressures. On top of that, the priority of treatment is that the poor must be cured with the best medical care because this reveals the process of human civilization of the nation. Investing in public health care, which gives all of the disadvantaged a free charge, should be carried out. Consequently, the pressure on people’s health problems could be decreased. Besides, society would be developed and balanced. For instance, there is a lot of humanitarian aid for charity organizations that can help poor and disabled people in many places concerning health care and living conditions. Personally speaking, participating in health insurance is the responsibility and right of every citizen. It is both humane and communal. By this method, we can save many poor families from getting poorer. That is to say, it’s the government’s job to support a large amount of money for hospitals to decrease the price of special medical care. All things considered, the right if having access to proper treatments should be granted to everyone by the cooperating of not only governments but also individuals. In my view, the authority should take better initiatives and make our country free from all kinds of diseases in the foreseeable future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues.
Nevertheless
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services are costly and seem to be far-reaching from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. From my point of view, all human being has the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best medicines available
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, everybody deserves to
be treated
equally
in all circumstances.

According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
research reports, the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot access advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
persons have
been taken
serious diseases. Consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
for example
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dying of cancers and other major diseases due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
. It is indisputable that all citizens should have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to receive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Furthermore
, the purpose of almost every hospital is to try their best to save the patients. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
branch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
on maintaining the high price of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
will cope with a wide variety of financial pressures.
On top of that
, the priority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cured
with the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this reveals the process of human civilization of the nation. Investing in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, which gives
Consider using "all the".
all of the
disadvantaged a free charge, should
be carried
out.
Consequently
, the pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems could
be decreased
.
Besides
, society would
be developed
and balanced.
For instance
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
humanitarian aid for charity organizations that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
and disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and living conditions.
Personally
speaking, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance is the responsibility and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
of every citizen. It is both humane and communal. By this method, we can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
families from getting poorer.
That is
to say, it’s the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s job to support a large amount of money for hospitals to decrease the price of special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care.

All things considered, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
if having access to proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
should
be granted
to everyone by the cooperating of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
individuals. In my view, the authority should take better initiatives and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our country free from all kinds of diseases in the foreseeable future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People’s access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
363 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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