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Being a celibrity –such as a famous film start or sports personality- brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? v.1

Being a celebrity nowadays is accompanied by benefits that outfall the naturally arisen discomforts of being famous, the first benefit being well-positioned to earn big money. In modern world, celebrities, being a singer, author, sports person or a simple fashion blogger, enjoy massive opportunities provided by social networks and certainly earn much more amount of money compared to other average people. They are sometimes the only and most effective way for marketers to reach the bigger and international audiences which in turn leads to massive advertising contracts and earnings. As a person, who used to work for a digital advertising agency, I am well-informed about the funds being allocated for celebrity advertising where for example, even a locally known actor or actress with a limited audience charges considerable amount of money for a short video advertising in Instagram or Facebook. In addition, due to being well-positioned to reach the great masses, celebrities, always have a well-established network of powerful and influencing people which is very important in modern societies. All doors are open to a celebrity which would reflect itself in a favourable treatment in a bank, hospital or a restaurant. In the light of above explained benefits, the problems that could be faced by a celebrity are usually limited to exposure of their personal life, daily routine, and daily problems to wider audience. The examples of this kind of discomfort could be the request of autographs by fans while you try to do shopping, or a sudden photo taken by paparazzies and perhaps published in a cover page of next day’s newspaper while you try to enjoy the sun at a beach with your family. As a summary, the advantages of being a celebrity in a modern world is not comparable to small problems arising out of it, the former having far greater positive impact on a celebrity’s life and shaping the lifestyle, while the latter seems easily manageable and insignificant.
Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
nowadays
is accompanied
by benefits that outfall the
naturally
arisen discomforts of being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, the
first
benefit being well-positioned to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
money. In modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, being a singer, author, sports person or a simple fashion blogger, enjoy massive opportunities provided by social networks and
certainly
earn much more amount of money compared to other average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and most effective way for marketers to reach the bigger and international audiences which in turn leads to massive advertising contracts and earnings. As a person, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to work for a digital advertising agency, I am well-informed about the funds
being allocated
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
advertising where
for example
, even a
locally
known actor or actress with a limited audience charges considerable amount of money for a short video advertising in Instagram or Facebook.

In addition
, due to being well-positioned to reach the great masses,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, always have a well-established network of powerful and influencing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in modern societies. All doors are open to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
which would reflect itself in a
Possible spelling mistake. ‘favourable’ is British English.
favourable
treatment in a bank, hospital or a restaurant.

In the light of above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
benefits, the problems that could
be faced
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
are
usually
limited to exposure of their personal life, daily routine, and daily problems to wider audience. The examples of this kind of discomfort could be the request of autographs by fans while you try to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in “-ing” is “go”, not “do” or “play”.
do shopping
, or a sudden photo taken by
Possible spelling mistake found.
paparazzies
and perhaps published in a cover page of
next
day’s newspaper while you try to enjoy the sun at a beach with your family.

As a summary, the advantages of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
in a modern world is not comparable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
problems arising out of it, the former having far greater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity’s
life and shaping the lifestyle, while the latter seems
easily
manageable and insignificant.
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Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Being a celebrity – such as a famous film star or sports personality – brings problems as well as benefits Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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