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Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.2

Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available. with this opinion? v. 2
In the modern times, for people, there are few things more important than improving health. Nevertheless, in general, modern medical services are pricy and appear to be far reaching from the poor. There are those who argue that this trend is inevitable and there is no need to go further. In my view, however, everybody deserves to have an equal suitable treatment in all of the circumstances. It is evident that in many undeveloped and developing societies, the level of people who cannot access the advanced medical treatments is very high. The obstacles are many: lack of medical experts, unavailability of advanced technology, exorbitant fees. Consequently, the trend, in which just people who are rich can approach to the best medical treatments appear to be an undesirable norm in these areas. However, this is not true for all parts of the world and wherever possible, people should struggle to prevent the negative process. One of the feasible measures should be for the governments to take the lead in ensuring all of civilians have chance to be treated with suitable medical services equally. Investing in public healthcare, for example, which give free charge for all of disadvantaged people should be implemented. By doing this, the pressure of people’ health problems could be decreased. In addition, people who have, the more lucky prosperity should also take part in the campaign in improving health for vulnerable individuals. For example, there are many un-profit organizations which Is managed to help poor and disabled people in many areas in terms of health care and living conditions. As a result, it is well-know that, the scale of people suffering from common disease in all parts of the world has declined significantly for the couple of decades. Overall, in my opinion, the right if accessing to appropriate treatments should be granted to everybody by the cooperating of not only governments but also individuals.
In the modern times, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are few things more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Nevertheless
,
in general
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services are
Possible spelling mistake found.
pricy
and appear to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
far reaching
from the poor. There are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
argue that this trend is inevitable and there is no need to go
further
. In my view,
however
, everybody deserves to have an equal suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
circumstances.

It is evident that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
undeveloped and developing societies, the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
cannot access the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high. The obstacles are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
: lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
experts, unavailability of advanced technology, exorbitant fees.
Consequently
, the trend, in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are rich can approach to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
appear to be an undesirable norm in these areas.
However
, this is not true for all parts of the world and wherever possible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
process. One of the feasible measures should be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to take the lead in ensuring
Consider using "all civilians" or "all of the civilians".
all of civilians
have chance to
be treated
with suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
services
equally
. Investing in public healthcare,
for example
, which give free charge for all of disadvantaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be implemented
. By doing this, the pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems could
be decreased
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have, the more lucky prosperity should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the campaign in improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
for vulnerable individuals.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-profit
organizations which
Is managed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor and disabled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care and living conditions.
As a result
, it is well-know that, the scale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering from common disease in all parts of the world has declined
significantly
for the couple of decades.
Overall
, in my opinion, the right if accessing to appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
should
be granted
to everybody by the cooperating of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
individuals.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Advanced medical treatments are generally expensive. People's access to proper health care should not depend upon their level of income. All people have the right to access the best medicine available. with this opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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