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The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extend do you agree? v.6

The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 6
Some people believe that the government should invest more time and money in science-related allocation rather than in other subjects so as to boost the growth, progress of a nation. To a certain extent, I agree that scientific developments play an important role in the evolution of humanity. However, I also think that we had better not disregard other subjects. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument. To start with, science is the key to a modern life. The first advantage is that science education helps us have access to more effective facilities and methods of learning. Furthermore, scientific instruments and machinery minimize blue-collar employment, and ease the burdens of the labour force. Also, science makes a great contribution to enhance living standards, mental and physical health quality, transportation and a lot of aspects of people’s lives. The larger expenditure on scientific subjects has a highly trained intellectual workforce. In addition, renewable resources such as wind power and solar energy begin to decrease the planet’s dependence on fossil fuels. On top of that, studying science subjects requires learners to have critical thinking and research skills, boost their scope for creativity and develop a strong mindset. For example, recently, there has been a coronavirus outbreak in China and neighbourhoods including Vietnam. Likewise, thanks to the knowledge of science subjects, the measures have been found to treat this dangerous disease. Nevertheless, if students excessively focus on education of science, they may neglect or underestimate other subjects. Consequently, their knowledge is not comprehensive. Science brings us some drawbacks, and wastes our time. It is common to see both young and old people with their eyes glued to their phones instead of having conversations before the advent of smart device. Therefore, the government ought to have a crucial role to find a balance between different subjects in an attempt to help students become well-rounded. Take for example, art, literature, history, music, and languages are essential in the curriculum to heighten people’s awareness of soft skills, express themselves imaginatively through songs, films and many crafts. What is more, Geography and Biology provide students with information about the natural habitats of wildlife, gain more insight into the significance of the environment. Taking everything into consideration, although breakthroughs in science have led to benefits for most countries, science is not the major contributor to an overall country’s progress. From my point of view, it is also indispensable for other subjects to be taught.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more time and money in science-related allocation
rather
than in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
boost the growth, progress of a nation. To a certain extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that scientific developments play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the evolution of humanity.
However
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we had better not disregard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is the key to a modern life. The
first
advantage is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us have access to more effective facilities and methods of learning.
Furthermore
, scientific instruments and machinery minimize blue-collar employment, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the burdens of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a great contribution to enhance living standards, mental and physical health quality, transportation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The larger expenditure on scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
has a
highly
trained intellectual workforce.
In addition
, renewable resources such as wind power and solar energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to decrease the planet’s dependence on fossil fuels.
On top of that
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
requires learners to have critical thinking and research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, boost their scope for creativity and develop a strong mindset.
For example
, recently, there has been a coronavirus outbreak in China and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
including Vietnam.
Likewise
, thanks to the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, the measures have
been found
to treat this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
disease.

Nevertheless
, if students
excessively
focus on education of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
, they may neglect or underestimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Consequently
, their knowledge is not comprehensive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Science
brings us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, and wastes our time. It is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
both young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with their eyes glued to their phones
instead
of having conversations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the advent of smart device.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to have a crucial role to find a balance between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in an attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students become well-rounded. Take
for example
, art, literature, history, music, and languages are essential in the curriculum to heighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness of soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, express themselves
imaginatively
through songs, films and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crafts.
What is more
, Geography and Biology provide students with information about the natural habitats of wildlife, gain more insight into the significance of the environment.

Taking everything into consideration, although breakthroughs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
have led to benefits for most countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is not the major contributor to an
overall
country’s progress. From my point of view, it is
also
indispensable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to
be taught
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should allocate more funding to teaching sciences rather than other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
411 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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