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Addiction to TV is becoming more and more common worldwide. What are some of the problems associated with this and what solutions can you suggest? v.1

Addiction to TV is becoming more and more common worldwide. What are some of the problems associated with this and what solutions can you suggest? v. 1
It is true that watching television has become ubiquitous in the contemporary world. The most majority of people are hooked on TV. Undoubtedly, there will be negative consequences of this trend. In this essay, I will discuss some problems and propose solutions to avoid them. One of the main problems is that television has a detrimental impact on society. It can influence people, especially children. In most cases, they became addicted and they copy the behaviour that they see on the screen. They can see crime news or some violent and swearing images. To tackle this problem, parents should control what their children watch and they should restrict the time that their children spend for watching TV. Instead of watching TV they can be busy with other leisure activities. Another problem associated with this matter is that people are becoming unhealthy. Television has adverse influences on their health. People can have problems related to their eyesight. Additionally, the waves can damage their brains and it can lead to serious diseases, such as cancer. This problem can be addressed by individuals themselves. They should manage their time and spend it for useful things rather than wasting it for watching TV. They can broaden their horizons and enhance their hobbies by reading books or they can find other activities that are suitable for their interests. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to deal with problems. Humans need to take actions to prevent this issue from deteriorating further. Otherwise, they should consult with psychologist.
It is true that watching television has become ubiquitous in the contemporary world. The most majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are hooked
on TV.
Undoubtedly
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend. In this essay, I will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and propose solutions to avoid them.

One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is that television has a detrimental impact on society. It can influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
children.
In most cases
, they became
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
addicted and
they copy the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the screen. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
crime news or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
violent and swearing images. To tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, parents should control what their children
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
watch and
they should restrict the time that their children spend for watching TV.
Instead
of watching TV they can be busy with other leisure activities.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
associated with this matter is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming unhealthy. Television has adverse influences on their health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to their eyesight.
Additionally
, the waves can damage their brains and it can lead to serious diseases, such as cancer. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be addressed
by individuals themselves. They should manage their time and
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
useful things
rather
than wasting it for watching TV. They can broaden their horizons and enhance their hobbies by reading
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
books or
they can find other activities that are suitable for their interests.

In conclusion
, various measures can
be taken
to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Humans need to take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this issue from deteriorating
further
.
Otherwise
, they should consult with psychologist.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Addiction to TV is becoming more and more common worldwide. What are some of the problems associated with this and what solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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