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The use of illegal drugs, such as heroin and cocaine, are becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with drug abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions v.1

The use of illegal drugs, such as heroin and cocaine, are becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with drug abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions v. 1
Drug abuse is becoming increasingly serious in many nations. Although drugs threaten many Societies, their effects can also be combated successfully. This essay looks at some of the problems caused by drug use on society, and suggests some solutions to the problems. Drug addiction causes multiple problems for countries and communities. The medical effects are very obvious. Addicts abuse their bodies and neglect their health and, and so eventually require expensive treatment or hospitalization. In some cases, such as Marilyn Monroe, an illegal substances overdose even leads to death. The second effect is a crime. People who take drugs become crazy and irrational and often cause harm and danger to themselves and others. However, the menace of drugs can be fought. Education is the main way to tackle this issue. People need to be aware of the effects so that they can avoid this problem. Children need to be trained at home and in school about the dangers and need for avoiding drugs. The government could also use infomercials to educate their citizens. A second approach is to increase police manpower and powers to stop dealers and to enforce the law. In conclusion, drug abuse is a serious issue because it causes harmful effects on people’s health and people who are high often commit crimes. The best approaches to deal with it are to educate the public about its effects and also to give the police more power to fight drug related crimes. Although the problem is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term, there are concrete steps to reduce the effects it is having on the current society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drug
abuse is becoming
increasingly
serious in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
threaten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many


Societies, their effects can
also
be combated
successfully
. This essay looks at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
on society, and suggests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to the problems.

Drug addiction causes multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for countries and communities. The medical effects are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
obvious. Addicts abuse their bodies and neglect their health and, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
eventually
require expensive treatment or hospitalization. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, such as Marilyn Monroe, an illegal
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "substance"?
substances
overdose even leads to death. The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is a crime.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
become crazy and irrational and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
cause harm and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

However
, the menace of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
can
be fought
. Education is the main way to tackle this issue.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
need to be aware of the effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can avoid this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Children need to
be trained
at home and in school about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and need for avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
infomercials to educate their citizens. A second approach is to increase police manpower and powers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
dealers and to enforce the law.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
abuse is a serious issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it causes harmful effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit crimes. The best approaches to deal with it are to educate the public about its effects and
also
to give the police more power to fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
related crimes. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is unlikely to be
entirely
eliminated in the short term, there are concrete steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the effects it is having on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The use of illegal drugs, such as heroin and cocaine, are becoming more and more common in many countries. What are some of the problems associated with drug abuse, and what are some of the possible solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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