Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. v. 1
With the advanced transport equipments, people have many options to select the destinations and activities for their vocations. Some people tend to pursue challenging leisure activities for their vocations. I personally disagree with this view and believe that only under certain situations, choosing high-risk activities for personal vocations sounds reasonable. To begin with, vocations tend to be extremely important for all inhabitants adapt themselves worldwide. Under the civilization, nowadays, human beings have a hectic work schedule or personal lifestyle, which put them into high risks to easily burn out physically or mentally. Therefore, taking a break for vocations will be crucial for them to recharge themselves for future busy lives. In addition, for people who are parents with young children or teenagers, vacations are also family time. Obviously, people with heavy daily work load or young family members are not suitable to go on a trip with any high-risk activities. Selecting a traditional vacation destination may be a reasonable option for them because high-risk activities may bring more stress to them rather than relaxation. However, for younger employees who are having boring office occupations, taking a challenging adventure may light up their spirit and make their boring lives more meaningful and colourful. For example, activities, such as scrub diving, deep diving, climbing clips, car racing, and so on, may be popular and attractive to them when they take their vocations. Moreover, these high-risk activities are suitable for single adults because they may put their lives into a risk as well. Therefore, for people with family responsibilities, these types of vocations are not first options for them. In conclusion, vacations with challenging adventures might be proper sections for young adults due to the above reasons. For inhabitants with heavy workload and busy schedules or having children, taking a vacation with high-risk activities will not re-energize themselves and may ruit a family time; therefore, selecting a proper destination with suitable recreation activities will be crucial for enjoying themselves. Traditional vacations will be reasonable choices for many people worldwide.
With the advanced transport equipments,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
options to select the destinations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their vocations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to pursue challenging leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their vocations. I
personally
disagree with this view and believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
under certain situations, choosing high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for personal vocations sounds reasonable.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, vocations tend to be
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for all inhabitants adapt themselves worldwide. Under the civilization, nowadays, human beings have a hectic work schedule or personal lifestyle, which put them into high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to
easily
burn out
physically
or mentally.
Therefore
, taking a break for vocations will be crucial for them to recharge themselves for future busy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In addition
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are parents with young children or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with heavy daily work load or young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are not suitable to go on a trip with any high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Selecting a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
destination may be a reasonable option for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may bring more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to them
rather
than relaxation.

However
, for younger employees who are having boring office occupations, taking a challenging adventure may light up their spirit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their boring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more meaningful and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, such as scrub diving, deep diving, climbing clips, car racing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, may be popular and attractive to them when they take their vocations.
Moreover
, these high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are suitable for single adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they may put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
as well
.
Therefore
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
responsibilities, these types of vocations are not
first
options for them.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
with challenging adventures might be proper sections for young adults due to the above reasons. For inhabitants with heavy workload and busy schedules or having children, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
with high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will not re-energize themselves and may
Possible spelling mistake found.
ruit
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time;
therefore
, selecting a proper destination with suitable recreation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will be crucial for enjoying themselves. Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
will be reasonable choices for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts