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36. According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

36. According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. v. 1
With the advanced transport equipments, people travel aboard for their vocations.   Some people tend to pursue challenging activities for their vocations. I personally disagree with this view and believe that only under certain situations, choosing high-risk activities for personal vocations sounds  reasonable. To begin with, vocations tend to be extremely important for all inhabitants themselves worldwide. Nowadays, human beings have a hectic work schedule or personal lifestyle, which put them into high risks to easily burn out physically or mentally.  In addition, for people who are parents with young children or teenagers, vacations are also family time. Therefore, vocations are time for them to recharge themselves or to build the rapport with their children.  Vocations with challenging entertainments might place participants' lives into risks. For instance, some climbers loss their lives when they were climbing the Himalayas Mountain. Therefore, traditional vocation entertainments are proper choices for ordinary citizens. However, for younger employees who are having boring office occupations, taking a challenging adventure may light up their spirit and make their boring lives more meaningful and colourful. For example, activities, such as scrub diving, deep diving, climbing clips, car racing, and so on, may be popular and attractive to them when they take their vocations. Moreover, these high-risk activities are suitable for single adults because they may put their lives into a risk as well. Therefore, for people with family responsibilities, these types of vocations are not first options for them. In conclusion, vacations with challenging adventures might be proper sections for young adults due to the above reasons. Selecting a proper destination with suitable recreation activities will be crucial for enjoying entertainment themselves or with their family members. Traditional vacations will be reasonable choices for many people worldwide.
With the advanced transport equipments,
people
travel aboard for their vocations.
  
Some
people
tend to pursue
challenging
activities
for their vocations. I
personally
disagree with this view and believe that
only
under certain situations, choosing high-
risk
activities
for personal vocations sounds
 
reasonable.

To
begin
with, vocations tend to be
extremely
important
for all inhabitants themselves worldwide. Nowadays, human beings have a hectic work schedule or personal lifestyle, which put them into high
risks
to
easily
burn out
physically
or mentally.  
In addition
, for
people
who are parents with young children or
teenagers
, vacations are
also
family time.
Therefore
, vocations are time for them to recharge themselves or to build the rapport with their children.  Vocations with
challenging
entertainments might place participants'
lives
into
risks
.
For instance
,
some
climbers
loss their
lives
 when they were climbing the Himalayas Mountain.
Therefore
, traditional vocation entertainments are proper choices for ordinary citizens.

However
, for younger employees who are having boring office occupations, taking a
challenging
adventure may light up their spirit and
make
their boring
lives
more meaningful and
colourful
.
For example
,
activities
, such as scrub diving, deep diving, climbing clips, car racing, and
so
on, may be popular and attractive to them when they take their vocations.
Moreover
, these high-
risk
activities
are suitable for single adults
because
they may put their
lives
into a
risk
as well
.
Therefore
, for
people
with family responsibilities, these types of vocations are not
first
options for them.

In conclusion
, vacations with
challenging
adventures might be proper sections for young adults due to the above reasons. Selecting a proper destination with suitable recreation
activities
will be crucial for enjoying entertainment themselves or with their family members. Traditional vacations will be reasonable choices for
many
people
worldwide.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay 36. According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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