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According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer. v.2

According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer. v. 2
In the upcoming years, with the advancement of technology, physical exercise has been ignored by humans, especially adults. In order to restore physical exercise in human and achieve a daily target of 30 minutes, I will give out some of my ideas in this essay. First, we should encourage adults to use stairs instead of elevators. Stair use is an activity that can be easily integrated into everyday life. Stair climbing represents a vigorous-intensity physical exercise that is largely sufficient to improve cardiorespiratory fitness in untrained individuals. In addition, researchers found that using stairs may not grant people an extra 15 minutes a day. We can both save time and do the workout, kill two birds with one arrow. Second, I recommend people use a smartwatch. The reason is that it is not the story about time anymore. Nowadays, people can use it as a good fitness tracker. From counting steps, distance, calories to calculate other important metrics that we might need. I have experienced such case in my personal life. My daily active time target is 1 hour. During my whole day at university, I take the stairs to go up and down and that counts in my physical activity time. Therefore, when I reach my dorm, I go for a walk for remaining time to achieve my day's goal. Hence, a small gadget can motivate a person to achieve daily exercise targets. To conclude, we see that restoration of physical activity among humans is primarily based on their motivation. For such motivation people themselves or their organizations have to play their role.
In the upcoming years, with the advancement of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by humans,
especially
adults. In order to restore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in human and achieve a daily target of 30 minutes, I will give out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in this essay.

First
, we should encourage adults to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
stairs
instead
of elevators. Stair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is an activity that can be
easily
integrated into everyday life. Stair climbing represents a vigorous-intensity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
that is
largely
sufficient to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
cardiorespiratory
fitness in untrained individuals.
In addition
, researchers found that using stairs may not grant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
an extra 15 minutes a day. We can both save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and do the workout, kill two birds with one arrow.

Second, I recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a smartwatch. The reason is that it is not the story about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
anymore. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fitness tracker. From counting steps, distance, calories to calculate other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
metrics that we might need.

I have experienced such case in my personal life. My daily active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
target is 1 hour. During my whole day at university, I take the stairs to go up and down and that counts in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Therefore
, when I reach my dorm, I go for a walk for remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to achieve my day's goal.
Hence
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gadget can motivate a person to achieve daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
targets.

To conclude
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that restoration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity among humans is
primarily
based on their motivation. For such motivation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
themselves or their organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
play their role.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay According to most doctors, adults need thirty minutes of physical activity at least five days a week to be healthy. However, most adults do not get this recommended amount of exercise. What can be done to help people get the exercise they need? Give examples to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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