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Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationally. To what extent those companies should have responsibility towards local communities in which they operate? v.1

Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationally. v. 1
In recent years, there has been a trend of large corporations to expand their branches offshore. Though making profits is their initial aim, the sake of the native country should also be focused on. First of all, foreign companies must have some contribution to society. It could be done by providing the working opportunities for the locals and also treat them equally. For instance, the companies should offer a sufficient amount of salary for the workers to ensure their lives’ qualities and of course, exploited labour is always being avoided. Besides, the multinational companies, especially selling companies, should also take into account that social contribution can improve the companies’ reputation. By helping the society, more and more people will acknowledge the companies and trust the products, therefore the companies’ income will increase as well. Second of all, another aspect that any multinational firms should emphasize on is the local environment. They have to make sure that none of their waste will damage the local environment. To be more specific, they have to decontaminate the chemical waste before dumping it into the sewages or purify the gas before releasing it into the air, therefore the water and the air will not be polluted. In addition, companies must have a suitable plan for using local natural resources. Without a plan, these companies could easily use up all the resources and the local environment will be badly affected. In conclusion, all multinational companies should always have a social responsibility, especially in the local community.
In recent years, there has been a trend of large corporations to expand their branches offshore. Though making profits is their initial aim, the sake of the native country should
also
be focused
on.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contribution to society. It could
be done
by providing the working opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
and
also
treat them
equally
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should offer a sufficient amount of salary for the workers to ensure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
’ qualities and
of course
, exploited
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is always
being avoided
.
Besides
, the multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
,
especially
selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, should
also
take into account that social contribution can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
reputation. By helping the society, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will acknowledge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and trust the products,
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
income will increase
as well
. Second of all, another aspect that any multinational firms should emphasize on is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that none of their waste will damage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment. To be more specific, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decontaminate the chemical waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dumping it into the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sewages
or purify the gas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
releasing it into the air,
therefore
the water and the air will not
be polluted
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have a suitable plan for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
natural resources. Without a plan, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
up all the resources and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
environment will be
badly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

In conclusion
, all multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should always have a social responsibility,
especially
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationally. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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