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Accomodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Accomodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
Parenting courses help in the development of children's future. I disagree with this statement. Firstly, a plethora of people of this generation do not know how to pamper the just born babies which needs help from their parents, grandparents and mother-in-law. If no elders in their house, then should attend the Parenting courses and makes them to learn child rearing and makes them complete women. Instead of a series they can take help from elder people that uses their experience. For example, I have a niece who was recently born in last December 6th 2019. My sister is having a little problem in feeding and when he is crying my aunt is taking care of the kid. He is not making them to sleep at night, they are just awakening the entire night. Although they are sleeping after he slept in the night time. They are shifting time to sleep for the sake of the cutie. Just born boy to 1 year makes them little trouble and after that regarding the food for the boy. Because of my aunt, my sister is not feeling pressure at this time. He is crying for food a plethora of times for milk, my sister is having a problem when he cries at midnight. After 3 -4 months they started to give milk in a bottle. Secondly, parental development, however useful when there is no experience for ladies in their families. This makes them to go to learn policy and complete it, then they can feed the babies. Learning the program from a good and experienced person. For example, My cousin had a girl 2 years ago, she don't know how to control the girl when she was crying. She has done a parenting line after her marriage makes her comfortable to learn procedure actually no one in her family to tell. She just recalled the information on parental line from a professional and she frequently contacted good paediatrician and makes her good to pamper her girl. This makes her feel confident in children development. Her baby is healthy and energetic as well. Finally, to conclude it's better to consider the experience of elderly people of their family or to contact a doctor, if not you should attend the parenting plan. In my opinion, it is not good to attend a parenting way take the tips from experienced elderly people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of children's future. I disagree with this statement.

Firstly
, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this generation do not know how to pamper the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
born babies which needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their parents, grandparents and mother-in-law. If no elders in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, then should attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parenting
courses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them to learn child rearing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them complete women.

Instead
of a series they can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
their experience.
For example
, I have a niece who was recently born in last December 6th 2019. My sister is having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
problem in feeding and when he is crying my aunt is taking care of the kid. He is not making them to sleep at night, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
awakening the entire night. Although they are sleeping after he slept in the night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. They are shifting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to sleep for the sake of the cutie.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
born boy to 1 year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
trouble and after that regarding the food for the boy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of my aunt, my sister is not feeling pressure at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. He is crying for food a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for milk, my sister is having a problem when he cries at midnight.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
3 -4 months they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to give milk in a bottle.

Secondly
, parental development,
however
useful when there is no experience for ladies in their families. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them to go to learn policy and complete it, then they can feed the babies. Learning the program from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and experienced person.
For example
, My cousin had a girl 2 years ago, she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "doesn't", "didn't".
don't
know how to control the girl when she was crying. She has done a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
line after her marriage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
her comfortable to learn procedure actually no one in her family to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
. She
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
recalled the information on parental line from a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
professional and
she
frequently
contacted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
Possible spelling mistake found.
paediatrician
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to pamper her girl. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
her feel confident in children development. Her baby is healthy and energetic
as well
.

Finally
,
to conclude
it's better to consider the experience of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their family or to contact a doctor, if not you should attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
plan. In my opinion, it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to attend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
way take the tips from experienced elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Accomodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
396 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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