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Accomodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Accomodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
There is no iota of doubt that, with the help of rapid growth in population and transportation in Urban areas leads to several problems, while higher authorities influences many businesses migrate to some countryside areas. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to Masses, However Sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to some. The following paragraphs shed light on Advantages and disadvantages of shifting the businesses in rural areas. To commence with the first notion that, there will be Reduction in traffic problems and inflation on goods and services in cities. If, the business move to rural areas. In addition to, the standard of living will be better for countryside individuals, with that the economy of rural areas can be improved. Additionally, there will be less chances of unemployment in backward areas. Therefore, masses can easily search the jobs according to their qualification. I would like to cite an example of unpaved roads, facilities in remote areas after that will be developed in that Areas, if business operations takes place in rural sites. On the flip side of Coin, there are some nasty consequences of migration to urban areas. Firstly, it will be harmful for native rural areas the producing material by firms if ever they can dispose unnecessary material in their lands. As a result, the quality of pure air Become bad and it also effect on the soil of fertilizers. Secondly, the business person may face loss due to unskilled employees hire from rural areas. To recapitulate, I personally believe that merits are Number of the demerits because it depends on Type of businesses service or work. However, some efforts should make for Equal Balance between the urban and rural sides.
There is no iota of doubt that, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of rapid growth in population and transportation in Urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
leads to several problems, while higher authorities influences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
migrate to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to Masses,
However
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. The following paragraphs shed light on Advantages and disadvantages of shifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.

To commence with the
first
notion that, there will be Reduction in traffic problems and inflation on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services in cities.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
In addition
to, the standard of living will be better for countryside individuals, with that the economy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Additionally
, there will be
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances of unemployment in backward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Therefore
, masses can
easily
search the jobs according to their qualification. I would like to cite an example of unpaved roads, facilities in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
after that will
be developed
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Areas
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
operations takes place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
sites.

On the flip side of Coin, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nasty consequences of migration to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Firstly
, it will be harmful for native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
the producing material by firms if ever they can dispose unnecessary material in their lands.
As a result
, the quality of pure air Become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and it
also
Did you mean "effects"?
effect
on the soil of fertilizers.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
person may face loss due to unskilled employees hire from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
areas.

To recapitulate, I
personally
believe that merits are Number of the demerits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it depends on Type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
service or work.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
efforts should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for Equal Balance between the urban and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
sides.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Accomodation and transport problems are increasing in many large cities. Businesses are encouraged to move to rural areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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