Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Experts say older people were happier and healteir in the past because they did more excercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v.2

Experts say older people were happier and healteir in the past because they did more excercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v. 2
With the advent of urbanisation and the rise in popularity of fast food, there have been accompanying issues with rising obesity rates – especially in developed countries like England and the USA. After providing a careful analysis of why obesity has risen so sharply in these countries, I shall suggest a number of ways in which the obesity epidemic can be ameliorated. To begin with, it should be unsurprising that fast food is incredibly popular in wealthy countries (like England and the USA). Due to the high levels of development in these countries, consumers possess more money and can, therefore, consume vast amounts of fast food without severely diminishing their income. For example, the American Dietary Association found that (compared to the average Indian household), the average American household has a six times larger budget for food per month. Consequently, it is to be expected that obesity rates are much higher in countries with more significant amounts of wealth. However, despite the severity of the obesity problem, there are many ways in which developed countries could battle it more effectively. Firstly, developed governments could put far more pressure on fast food outlets to provide healthy alternatives to hamburgers, french fries and soft drinks. Secondly, free exercise initiatives could be advertised and promoted far more vigorously. Lastly, modules that inform teenagers about healthy dietary requirements could be taught at schools. In conclusion, although obesity is a severe issue in the developed world, if the above steps are taken, the situation will surely improve in the coming years
With the advent of
urbanisation
and the rise in popularity of
fast
food
, there have been accompanying issues with rising obesity rates
especially
in
developed
countries
like England and the USA. After providing a careful analysis of why obesity has risen
so
sharply
in these
countries
, I shall suggest a number of ways in which the obesity epidemic can
be ameliorated
.

To
begin
with, it should be unsurprising that
fast
food
is
incredibly
popular in wealthy
countries
(like England and the USA). Due to the high levels of development in these
countries
, consumers possess more money and can,
therefore
, consume vast amounts of
fast
food
without
severely
diminishing their income.
For example
, the American Dietary Association found that (compared to the average Indian household), the average American household has a six times larger budget for
food
per month.
Consequently
, it is to be
expected
that obesity rates are much higher in
countries
with more significant amounts of wealth.

However
, despite the severity of the obesity problem, there are
many
ways in which
developed
countries
could battle it more
effectively
.
Firstly
,
developed
governments
could put far more pressure on
fast
food
outlets to provide healthy alternatives to hamburgers, french fries and soft drinks.

Secondly
, free exercise initiatives could
be advertised
and promoted far more
vigorously
.
Lastly
, modules that inform
teenagers
about healthy dietary requirements could
be taught
at schools.

In conclusion
, although obesity is a severe issue in the
developed
world, if the above steps
are taken
, the situation will
surely
improve
in the coming years
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Experts say older people were happier and healteir in the past because they did more excercise and spent more time with family and friends, whereas many now suffer from loneliness and health problems. What are the causes of this and what are some solutions? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts