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Some say that public health is important and there should be more sports facilities. Others say that they have small impact on individual. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some say that public health is important and there should be more sports facilities. Others say that they have small impact on individual. v. 1
It is an indisputable truth that health plays a crucial role in everyone's life. Therefore, several schools are offering health programs to their students. This essay will discuss the prominence of the physical activities and why it should be essentially incorporated into the school curriculum. Firstly, there are several reasons to advocate why it is important to have health programs in schools. Firstly, it improves the immunity power and increases white blood cell count, which prevents pupils from infections and disease. To illustrate, it has been advised by many fitness experts and doctors that daily workouts stimulate our body to be active, and circulate the blood flow properly, due to which our health is affected positively. Besides, it is evident that it also reduces stress and anxiety. Education has become an underlying causative factor for depression, and so regular activity not only makes learners physically robust but also relaxing them mentally. In my thought, educational institutions should make physical education mandatory than any other subjects. It is an undeniable fact that physical training forges good habits such as disciples, punctuality and team spirit; especially, when pupils learn such qualities at the early stage of their life, they become their habit and persist throughout their life. To exemplify, an eminent basketball player Kobe Bryant, who passed away in the recent flight crash, told media that his great qualities had been taught at the school level. Moreover, pupils can concentrate more on their education and excel academically by obtaining the knowledge to control their mind from exercise. In conclusion, I tend to reiterate that the teachers' duty is not only to focus on children's academic performance but also overall development. I believe, in the future, the government will be implementing rules to indulge students in physical activities.
It is an indisputable truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays a crucial role in everyone's life.
Therefore
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
programs to their students. This essay will discuss the prominence of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and why it should be
essentially
incorporated into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.

Firstly
, there are several reasons to advocate why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
programs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the immunity power and increases white blood cell count, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
pupils from infections and disease. To illustrate, it has
been advised
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fitness experts and doctors that daily workouts stimulate our body to be active, and circulate the blood flow
properly
, due to which our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
positively
.
Besides
, it is evident that it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and anxiety. Education has become an underlying causative factor for depression, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
regular activity not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
learners
physically
robust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
relaxing them mentally.

In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, educational institutions should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education
Use "(mandatory)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
mandatory
than any other subjects. It is an undeniable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training forges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits such as disciples, punctuality and team spirit;
especially
, when pupils learn such qualities at the early stage of their life, they become their habit and persist throughout their life. To exemplify, an eminent basketball player Kobe Bryant, who passed away in the recent flight crash,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
media that his great qualities had
been taught
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.
Moreover
, pupils can concentrate more on their education and excel
academically
by obtaining the knowledge to control their mind from exercise.

In conclusion
, I tend to reiterate that the teachers' duty is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to focus on children's academic performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
overall
development. I believe, in the future, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will be implementing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to indulge students in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that public health is important and there should be more sports facilities. Others say that they have small impact on individual. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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