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If you are going to choose a position in the school community during summer vacation which one will you choose 1 Library desk front receptionist 2 Technician 3 Paint a wall in the community v.1

If you are going to choose a position in the school community during summer vacation which one will you choose 1 Library desk front receptionist 2 Technician 3 Paint a wall in the community v. 1
Computer technologies have developed at an unprecedented pace nowadays, and some argue that it is pointless to support / maintain public libraries because their functions are increasingly being fulfilled by computers. In my view, while using laptops can make research easier and more interesting, state libraries are worth investing in / worth the investment because of the important role they play in this modern world. It is true that computers can sometimes do a better job than the traditional library in dispensing information and engaging learners. Through the internet, people can access information in a variety of means such as through online newspaper, blogs, or video clips, and the way to do so can be as straightforward as a single click on the mouse. Furthermore, compared to reading printed text/books/magazines which might seem comparatively boring, it is more intriguing and engaging for most people to surf the internet and watch programs such as BBC online documentaries to acquire the knowledge they need. However, despite these benefits brought by computers, I believe that libraries still occupy an irreplaceable place in people’s lives. Firstly, as all the books and magazines in the library are published by professional houses, their reliability and authoritativeness is guaranteed. It therefore reduces the possibility of people getting misguided by false information. In addition, public libraries generally have sufficient budget provided by the government so that they can invite experts to give lectures. This approach allows visitors to gain deep insights into a certain specialized field, which can hardly be achieved by merely using a computer on one’s own. In conclusion, computer technology has made information research more accessible and enjoyable, but I believe that state-funded libraries are still of great value for citizens to obtain reliable and quality content. Consequently, they deserve to continue to exist and to receive a stable subsidy from the authority.
Computer technologies have developed at an unprecedented pace nowadays, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is pointless to support / maintain public libraries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their functions are
increasingly
being fulfilled
by computers. In my view, while using laptops can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
research easier and more interesting, state libraries are worth investing in / worth the investment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role they play in this modern world.

It is true that computers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do a better job than the traditional library in dispensing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and engaging learners. Through the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
in a variety of means such as through online newspaper, blogs, or video clips, and the way to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
can be as straightforward as a single click on the mouse.
Furthermore
, compared to reading printed text/books/magazines which might seem
comparatively
boring, it is more intriguing and engaging for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to surf the internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
programs such as BBC online documentaries to acquire the knowledge they need.

However
, despite these benefits brought by computers, I believe that libraries
still
occupy an irreplaceable place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, as all the books and magazines in the library
are published
by professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, their reliability and authoritativeness
is guaranteed
. It
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting misguided by false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
In addition
, public libraries
generally
have sufficient budget provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can invite experts to give lectures. This approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
visitors to gain deep insights into a certain specialized field, which can hardly
be achieved
by
merely
using a computer on one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

In conclusion
, computer technology has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
research more accessible and enjoyable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that state-funded libraries are
still
of great value for citizens to obtain reliable and quality content.
Consequently
, they deserve to continue to exist and to receive a stable subsidy from the authority.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you are going to choose a position in the school community during summer vacation which one will you choose 1 Library desk front receptionist 2 Technician 3 Paint a wall in the community v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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