Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

A university has money in its budget to do one thing to improve its facilities for students. It can either improve the quality of the technology (for example: computers and printers) that it provides for students. Or it can redesign spaces where students v.2

A university has money in its budget to do one thing to improve its facilities for students. It can either improve the quality of the technology (for example: computers and printers) that it provides for students. Or it can redesign spaces where students v. 2
The question is whether a dean of the university should spend money for improving technology or redesigning or recreating spaces which help students to gather with each other in the break times. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement; however, I am inclined to affirm that establishing rooms for rest and gathering can provide some merits for the young to reinforce their skills and performance during university life. I feel this way for some reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to empower my vantage point: To begin with, nobody could overlook this fact that such a technology- driven world requires humans to be up-dated. One of the most crucial ways for achieving the mentioned goal is that human beings communicate with each other to gain new and different experiences. Building such a great area in a university assists students to meet various types of characters; therefore, they have a chance to associate with them for acquiring extra information. For instance, I remember that there was a small room in my university for resting or gathering purposes. In that time, I was unhappy with my field- software engineer- because it was very tough for my soul. One day I could get familiar with a girl from history department then since from childhood, I liked to become an archaeologist, so I was willing to make a friendship with her. Thus we started talking with together, finally she could convince me to drop my current field and follow my heart. Now, due to her helps, I am a prosperous archaeologist. In short, in such comfortable areas, students have an opportunity to receive new experiences from each other. The second reason for my argument lies the reality that the young people usually wrestle with a great number of troubles during living in the university such as homesick, the pressure of courses and the dormitory problems and list goes on. Among heavy classes, the young can go to rest spaces to drink a cup of coffee, eat a snack or play a game with their friends. One should not forget that all of these activities cause students to secrete more Dopamine- a neural messenger in the brain. It goes without saying that this chemical substance is responsible for happiness and concentration; hence, students can avoid any stress, anxiety or suicide thoughts. In this circumstance, the youths will be able to improve their performance and function in their lessons. Moreover, there is a bit of different here. Constructing meeting rooms creates a bed for students to boost their interpersonal skills such as ability of making new friends or increasing self-confidence. To elucidate, take my own experiences. I had always social problem in confronting with people; however, the same aforementioned room above in my university could remove this negative habit from my personality. I could make new friends and discussing with them helped me to optimize my self-esteem and also guaranteed my future job- because I did not have fear in cope with interviewer. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that if university spends its budget for resting and meeting rooms can obtain a lot of advantages such as students with high and pleasure spirit and even sometimes the young can consult with each other to design new and useful research projects.
The question is whether a dean of the
university
should spend money for improving technology or redesigning or recreating spaces which
help
students
to gather with each other in the break times. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement;
however
, I
am inclined
to affirm that establishing
rooms
for rest and gathering can provide
some
merits for the
young
to reinforce their
skills
and performance during
university
life. I feel this way for
some
reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to empower my vantage point:

To
begin
with, nobody could overlook this fact that such a technology- driven world requires humans to be up-dated. One of the most crucial ways for achieving the mentioned goal is that human beings communicate with each other to gain
new
and
different
experiences. Building such a great area in a
university
assists
students
to
meet
various types of characters;
therefore
, they have a chance to associate with them for acquiring extra information.
For instance
, I remember that there was a
small
room
in my
university
for resting or gathering purposes. In that time, I was unhappy with my field- software engineer-
because
it was
very
tough for my soul. One day I could
get
familiar with a girl from history department then since from childhood, I liked to become an archaeologist,
so
I was willing to
make
a friendship with her.
Thus
we
started
talking with together,
finally
she could convince me to drop my
current
field and follow my heart.
Now
, due to her
helps
, I am a prosperous archaeologist. In short, in such comfortable areas,
students
have an opportunity to receive
new
experiences from each other.

The second reason for my argument lies the reality that the
young
people
usually
wrestle with a great number of troubles during living in the
university
such as homesick, the pressure of courses and the dormitory problems and list goes on. Among heavy classes, the
young
can go to rest spaces to drink a cup of coffee, eat a snack or play a game with their friends. One should not forget that all of these activities cause
students
to secrete more Dopamine- a neural messenger in the brain. It goes without saying that this chemical substance is responsible for happiness and concentration;
hence
,
students
can avoid any
stress
, anxiety or suicide thoughts. In this circumstance, the youths will be able to
improve
their performance and function in their lessons.

Moreover
, there is a bit of
different
here. Constructing meeting
rooms
creates a bed for
students
to boost their interpersonal
skills
such as ability of making
new
friends or increasing self-confidence. To elucidate, take my
own
experiences. I had always social problem in confronting with
people
;
however
, the same aforementioned
room
above in my
university
could remove this
negative
habit from my personality. I could
make
new
friends and discussing with them
helped
me to optimize my self-esteem and
also
guaranteed my future job-
because
I did not have fear in cope with interviewer.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that if
university
spends its budget for resting and meeting
rooms
can obtain
a lot of
advantages such as
students
with high and pleasure spirit and even
sometimes
the
young
can consult with each other to design
new
and useful research projects.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay A university has money in its budget to do one thing to improve its facilities for students. It can either improve the quality of the technology (for example: computers and printers) that it provides for students. Or it can redesign spaces where students v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
559 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts