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A university has money in its budget to do one thing to improve its facilities for students. It can either improve the quality of the technology (for example: computers and printers) that it provides for students. Or it can redesign spaces where students v.2

A university has money in its budget to do one thing to improve its facilities for students. It can either improve the quality of the technology (for example: computers and printers) that it provides for students. Or it can redesign spaces where students v. 2
The question is whether a dean of the university should spend money for improving technology or redesigning or recreating spaces which help students to gather with each other in the break times. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement; however, I am inclined to affirm that establishing rooms for rest and gathering can provide some merits for the young to reinforce their skills and performance during university life. I feel this way for some reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to empower my vantage point: To begin with, nobody could overlook this fact that such a technology- driven world requires humans to be up-dated. One of the most crucial ways for achieving the mentioned goal is that human beings communicate with each other to gain new and different experiences. Building such a great area in a university assists students to meet various types of characters; therefore, they have a chance to associate with them for acquiring extra information. For instance, I remember that there was a small room in my university for resting or gathering purposes. In that time, I was unhappy with my field- software engineer- because it was very tough for my soul. One day I could get familiar with a girl from history department then since from childhood, I liked to become an archaeologist, so I was willing to make a friendship with her. Thus we started talking with together, finally she could convince me to drop my current field and follow my heart. Now, due to her helps, I am a prosperous archaeologist. In short, in such comfortable areas, students have an opportunity to receive new experiences from each other. The second reason for my argument lies the reality that the young people usually wrestle with a great number of troubles during living in the university such as homesick, the pressure of courses and the dormitory problems and list goes on. Among heavy classes, the young can go to rest spaces to drink a cup of coffee, eat a snack or play a game with their friends. One should not forget that all of these activities cause students to secrete more Dopamine- a neural messenger in the brain. It goes without saying that this chemical substance is responsible for happiness and concentration; hence, students can avoid any stress, anxiety or suicide thoughts. In this circumstance, the youths will be able to improve their performance and function in their lessons. Moreover, there is a bit of different here. Constructing meeting rooms creates a bed for students to boost their interpersonal skills such as ability of making new friends or increasing self-confidence. To elucidate, take my own experiences. I had always social problem in confronting with people; however, the same aforementioned room above in my university could remove this negative habit from my personality. I could make new friends and discussing with them helped me to optimize my self-esteem and also guaranteed my future job- because I did not have fear in cope with interviewer. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that if university spends its budget for resting and meeting rooms can obtain a lot of advantages such as students with high and pleasure spirit and even sometimes the young can consult with each other to design new and useful research projects.
The question is whether a dean of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should spend money for improving technology or redesigning or recreating spaces which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to gather with each other in the break times. Everyone with regard to his private view point can maintain a specific direction toward this statement;
however
, I
am inclined
to affirm that establishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
for rest and gathering can provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to reinforce their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and performance during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
life. I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to empower my vantage point:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook this fact that such a technology- driven world requires humans to be up-dated. One of the most crucial ways for achieving the mentioned goal is that human beings communicate with each other to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experiences. Building such a great area in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
assists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
various types of characters;
therefore
, they have a chance to associate with them for acquiring extra information.
For instance
, I remember that there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for resting or gathering purposes. In that time, I was unhappy with my field- software engineer-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tough for my soul. One day I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with a girl from history department then since from childhood, I liked to become an archaeologist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I was willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a friendship with her.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
talking with together,
finally
she could convince me to drop my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
field and follow my heart.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, due to her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
, I am a prosperous archaeologist. In short, in such comfortable areas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have an opportunity to receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences from each other.

The second reason for my argument lies the reality that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
wrestle with a great number of troubles during living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
such as homesick, the pressure of courses and the dormitory problems and list goes on. Among heavy classes, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
can go to rest spaces to drink a cup of coffee, eat a snack or play a game with their friends. One should not forget that all of these activities cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to secrete more Dopamine- a neural messenger in the brain. It goes without saying that this chemical substance is responsible for happiness and concentration;
hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can avoid any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, anxiety or suicide thoughts. In this circumstance, the youths will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance and function in their lessons.

Moreover
, there is a bit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
here. Constructing meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
creates a bed for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to boost their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as ability of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends or increasing self-confidence. To elucidate, take my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiences. I had always social problem in confronting with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
;
however
, the same aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
above in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
could remove this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
habit from my personality. I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and discussing with them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to optimize my self-esteem and
also
guaranteed my future job-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not have fear in cope with interviewer.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
spends its budget for resting and meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
can obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with high and pleasure spirit and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
can consult with each other to design
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and useful research projects.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay A university has money in its budget to do one thing to improve its facilities for students. It can either improve the quality of the technology (for example: computers and printers) that it provides for students. Or it can redesign spaces where students v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
559 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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