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he way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? v.2

he way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? v. 2
Technology has revolutionized the way we communicate with each other. People has shifted from old fashioned face to face communication to technology dependent digital communication. This may have some negative on our society but the advantage it brings is greater than the disadvantage. If we look back as early as twenty five years then we could see a totally different way of communication. People did not have any mobile phone, posted letters used to take months to deliver. However, the scenario has changed dramatically, we can communicate with anyone within seconds, talk to someone in real time thanks to the technology. Apart from that, technology has brought the entire world within the palm of our hand, people can meet people from anywhere in the world visa social media. It is not like meeting random people across the world even we can choose who we want to meet from which country. Where previously communication between people were limited to only local people. We cannot deny the implications it brought along with it. For example, social networking website like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter has made ourself addicted to it and indirectly forcing us to spend time with it. Moreover this trend made us less aware of real life and our surrounding. People became so addicted that they give more priority to this virtual world than the real world, they are more concern regarding what they upload to the social media rather than, what is actually happening in real life. On the flip side, the technology is not social media rather it is just a part of it. If we look elsewhere it will give us a different story. The entire world is dependent on technology starting from a simple text message to the stock market. The world economy is moving forward leveraging the power of technology. World trade, banking system, stock market are all dependent on technology. Therefore, A day without technology is unthinkable hence technology is serving us in many ways. To sum up, technology has almost changed the way we communicate. People tend to emphasize on the negative aspect of the aspects of the technology by pointing their finger towards social media but the actual benefit is offers us is greater than the drawbacks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has revolutionized the way we communicate with each other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
shifted from
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
face to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
dependent digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
. This may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
on our society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the advantage it brings is greater than the disadvantage.

If we look back as early as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty five
years then we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
did not have any mobile phone, posted letters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take months to deliver.
However
, the scenario has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
, we can communicate with anyone within seconds, talk to someone in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
time thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Apart from that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has brought the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
within the palm of our hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from anywhere in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
visa
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
. It is not like meeting random
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
even we can choose who we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
from which country.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
previously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were limited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

We cannot deny the implications it brought along with it.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking website like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter has made
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
addicted to it and
indirectly
forcing us to spend time with it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this trend made us less aware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life and our surrounding.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted that they give more priority to this virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, they are more concern regarding what they upload to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rather
than, what is actually happening in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
life.

On the flip side, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
rather
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a part of it.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
we look elsewhere it will give us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
story. The entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
starting from a simple text message to the stock market. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
economy is moving forward leveraging the power of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
trade, banking system, stock market are all dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Therefore
, A day without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is unthinkable
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is serving us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way we communicate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to emphasize on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspect of the aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
by pointing their finger towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual benefit is offers us is greater than the drawbacks.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay he way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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