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A recent study showed that both developed and developing countries prosper because of economic growth People from developing countries are much happier than before while people from developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past Why is that v.1

A recent study showed that both developed and developing countries prosper because of economic growth People from developing countries are much happier than before while people from developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past Why is that v. 1
An issue of economic growth both in developed and developing countries and its influence on people’s happiness is widely discussed nowadays. It is considered that citizens of developed countries are not as happy as those in developing world. There are certain reasons to that, nevertheless the situation can be improved. It is true that in developing countries population experience the feeling of inner peace and satisfaction. What is the explanation to that? - The first reason is a sense of gratitude for their life. No matter how hard living conditions are, these people never complain. Another reason is they are not as spoiled as developed countries’ population. A further reason is religious. Buddhism, Hinduism and Islam are the main denominations there. They teach people work hard, have limited needs, believe in their gods and spend time in prayers. Despite the level of living in developed countries is western societies is incomparable, people there suffer from depression, mental illnesses and commit suicides. We must admit that economic factor is not the only one which determines a state of happiness. The more people have, the more they strive to get, and this process never ends. Another reason is a great dependence on medical pills, side effects of which lead to depression. Traffic jams, pollution, unbearable news on TV, violent films and constant fear make their impact on people’s mental health. We are also too dependent on modern conveniences and lack of money which make us extremely vulnerable. In addition, we have to concentrate more on spiritual growth than think only about material things. There are numerous possibilities of learning about priceless works of arts, masterpieces of music and literature. It is an invisible inner work of mind that demands a lot of efforts and determination, but it is worth doing, if we want to change our life. In conclusion, developed countries should focus on revival of moral values, than think only about material prosperity.
An issue of economic growth both in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
and developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and its influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
happiness is
widely
discussed nowadays. It
is considered
that citizens of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not as happy as those in developing world. There are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to that,
nevertheless
the situation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

It is true that in developing
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
population experience the feeling of inner peace and satisfaction. What is the explanation to that?
Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is a sense of gratitude for their life. No matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
living conditions are, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never complain. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is they are not as spoiled as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
population. A
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is religious. Buddhism, Hinduism and Islam are the main denominations there. They teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, have limited needs, believe in their gods and spend time in prayers.

Despite the level of living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is western societies is incomparable,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there suffer from depression, mental illnesses and commit suicides. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that economic factor is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one which determines a state of happiness. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have, the more they strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, and this process never ends. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is a great dependence on medical pills, side effects of which lead to depression. Traffic jams, pollution, unbearable news on TV, violent films and constant fear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental health. We are
also
too dependent on modern conveniences and lack of money which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us
extremely
vulnerable.

In addition
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
concentrate more on spiritual growth than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about material things. There are numerous possibilities of learning about priceless works of arts, masterpieces of music and literature. It is an invisible inner work of mind that demands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts and determination,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is worth doing, if we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our life.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should focus on revival of moral values, than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about material prosperity.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay A recent study showed that both developed and developing countries prosper because of economic growth People from developing countries are much happier than before while people from developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past Why is that v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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