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A poor infrastructure hinders under developed countries from progressing and modernizing Some people think that this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid To what extent do you agree with this opinion v.2

A poor infrastructure hinders under developed countries from progressing and modernizing Some people think that this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid 2
It is true that some people argue that infrastructure in under-developed countries should be the top of investment priorities by international aid. Because there are a variety of economic and social advantages, I completely agree with this point. Firstly, infrastructure advancement is considered to be the key factor of economic development. Transport infrastructure such as roads and railways provide better way to deliver goods and reducing costs of transportation. For example, building of railways will benefit agriculture as the farmers are able to sell their products in towns where they are far away from. In addition, infrastructure also creates opportunities to build businesses, and to attract local and foreign investment and partnerships. Because of the lack of money, small companies rely on general facilities to build up. Secondly, I believe that investment in infrastructure can raise people’s living standards in those countries. Lack of adequate infrastructure not only holds lack economic development, it also cause additional costs in terms of time, effort and money of the people for accessing essential social service such as healthcare and education. Besides, by improving street lighting and CCTV cameras, the number of crimes also decrease. For example, the likelihood of finding people all alone in street or in their house might attract killers or robbers. In conclusion, I agree that the beneficial effects of improved infrastructure largely contributes to economic and social development.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
in under-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
should be the top of investment priorities by international aid.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
and social advantages, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
advancement
is considered
to be the key factor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development. Transport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
such as roads and railways provide better way to deliver
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and reducing costs of transportation.
For example
, building of railways will benefit agriculture as the farmers are able to sell their products in towns where they are far away from.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
also
creates opportunities to build businesses, and to attract local and foreign investment and partnerships.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the lack of money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
rely on general facilities to build up.

Secondly
, I believe that investment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
can raise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living standards in those countries. Lack of adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
holds lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
development, it
also
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
additional costs in terms of time, effort and money of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for accessing essential social service such as healthcare and education.
Besides
, by improving street lighting and CCTV cameras, the number of crimes
also
decrease.
For example
, the likelihood of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all alone in street or in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
might attract killers or robbers.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the beneficial effects of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
largely
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
and social development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay A poor infrastructure hinders under developed countries from progressing and modernizing Some people think that this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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