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A person you know is planning to move to your hometown or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v.2

A person you know is planning to move to your hometown or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 2
One famous poet said that there is no better place on the planet than home town. I consider myself lucky since I was born in one the most astonishing cities in the world, in Moscow. If a person I know wants to move there, he will definitely like Moscow, because this is the city of great opportunities and nobody gets bored in there. There are a few reasons why I feel this way. First of all, Moscow is the place where almost everyone can build marvelous career. There is myriad of universities in the city, where every person, who are willing to excel, is able to obtain education. Advanced education is priceless nowadays, since modern business system request having particular knowledge and skills in order to get a job. If a person successfully graduates a college or university in the capital of Russia, he is likely to grow through the ranks of any company quickly and build the satisfied future. Although people could get the top even in a small town, it easier to attain that in the city like Moscow. Because of that, the person, who live and study in Moscow, will never have problems with finding a job. Secondly, Moscow is the place where everyone is able to find thigs to do. The capital has tremendous amount of museums, theaters, exhibitions and other interesting places to visit. Moreover, scores of churches, which are presented there, expose their own architectural stile, and can tell a lot about character of people living in Russia. If someone wants to look at all famous objects in Moscow, he needs to spend weeks in the city, in case to visit them. Despite an opinion, that Moscow overcrowded and has too dense traffic, the beauty and magnificence of the city overcome these disadvantageous. To that end, if the person moves to Moscow, he will never be bored, but will be able to roam in Moscow and explore the city. To sum it up, I feel that the person will appreciate my hometown. This is because of feasibility of gaining career grow and prospective of fulfilling a variety of activities. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that even if Moscow has some traffic problems and very dense population, the life could be great in there!
One
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
poet said that there is no better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
on the planet than home town. I consider myself lucky since I
was born
in one the most astonishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in the world, in Moscow. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
I know wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
there, he will definitely like Moscow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the city of great opportunities and nobody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
bored in there. There are a few reasons why I feel this way.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, Moscow is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where almost everyone can build marvelous career. There is myriad of universities in the city, where every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, who are willing to excel, is able to obtain education. Advanced education is priceless nowadays, since modern business system request having particular knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
successfully
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduates from".
graduates
a college or university in the capital of Russia, he is likely to grow through the ranks of any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
quickly
and build the satisfied future. Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the top even in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
easier to attain that in the city like Moscow.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and study in Moscow, will never have problems with finding a job.

Secondly
, Moscow is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where everyone is able to find
Possible spelling mistake found.
thigs
to do. The capital has tremendous amount of museums, theaters, exhibitions and other interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to visit.
Moreover
, scores of churches, which
are presented
there, expose their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
architectural stile, and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
a lot about character of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in Russia. If someone wants to look at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
objects in Moscow, he needs to spend weeks in the city, in case to visit them. Despite an opinion, that Moscow overcrowded and has too dense traffic, the beauty and magnificence of the city overcome these disadvantageous. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
to Moscow, he will never
be bored
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will be able to roam in Moscow and explore the city.

To sum it up, I feel that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will appreciate my hometown. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of feasibility of gaining career grow and prospective of fulfilling a variety of activities. All things considered, it is reasonable to assume that even if Moscow has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traffic problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dense population, the life could be great in there!
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay A person you know is planning to move to your hometown or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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