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A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? v.3

A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? v. 3
I am from Saint-Petersburg, Russia. It is a very beautiful city that attracts many people every year. My close friend is going to move here after her graduation. She already found a job and she asked me to help her with an apartment. Knowing her very well I think I can enumerate the majority of things she will like and dislike about my city. First of all, I believe she will like a huge amount of museums, theatres, movie theatres, etc. My friend is from a small town, so, she can not enjoy all these benefits at her native town. Secondly, it seems to me that she will like the way people live here. The pace of life is much faster here than in a small town. People are always in a hurry, they try to catch a bus, and then they run to the nearest subway station, go to an office, meet new people, etc. Also, I think my friend will like people here. They are very friendly and ready to offer a help to those in need. She will also like the huge garden in front of the parliament house and the people who come to visit there. We have some attractive rivers here and I’m sure she will enjoy the calm environment and sweet breeze of these rivers. Finally, I’m planning to take her to a nearby restaurant that serves  lots of uncommon and delicious foods. Unfortunately, my friend will not surely like some things. As a result of a huge amount of cars and factories,   the air is polluted here. One more thing she will definitely not like is the weather. It is quite humid here. However, I think she will also like the public transport here. The bus services are run by the Government and it is quite regular. If one in a hurry he can take a taxi, which also is quite cheap and provide a good transport. In conclusion, I believe that in spite of all mentioned above disadvantages she will like this city.
I am from Saint-Petersburg, Russia. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
city that attracts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
every year. My close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
here after her graduation. She already found a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
job and
she asked me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
her with an apartment. Knowing her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I can enumerate the majority of things she will like and dislike about my city.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I believe she will like a huge amount of museums,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, etc. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
is from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, she can not enjoy all these benefits at her native town.
Secondly
, it seems to me that she will like the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
here. The pace of life is much faster here than in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are always in a hurry, they try to catch a bus, and then they run to the nearest subway station, go to an office,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, etc.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
will like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
here. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
friendly and ready to offer a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to those in need. She will
also
like the huge garden in front of the parliament
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to visit there. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attractive rivers here and I’m sure she will enjoy the calm environment and sweet breeze of these rivers.
Finally
, I’m planning to take her to a nearby restaurant that serves
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
lots of uncommon and delicious foods.

Unfortunately, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
will not
surely
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things.
As a result
of a huge amount of cars and factories,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the air
is polluted
here. One more thing she will definitely not like is the weather. It is quite humid here.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
she will
also
like the public transport here. The bus services
are run
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
and it is quite regular. If one in a hurry he can take a taxi, which
also
is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
transport.

In conclusion
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
all mentioned above disadvantages she will like this city.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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