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A person worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values such as honour, kindness and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.5

A person worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values such as honour, kindness and trust no longer seem important. v. 5
Some people think that values as honour and kindness have become unimportant and only important thing is the amount of money an individual has. I strongly disagree with statement and I will explain the reasons below. There is no doubt that respect towards richer people has increased in the few decades. So, the main income you have, the more respected you will be. However, it does not mean that a rich somebody is more valued. Illustrate this, someone who has a lot of money and does not share his wealth is going to be seen as a selfish customer. People neither like nor respect them. Due to this, rich people who serve the society through their charitable acts receive a lot of adulation and admiration. Take, for instance, the case of Bill Gates. He is one of the most respected personality in the whole world, but it is not because he is the richest man. Rather, what made him so respectable is his charity, humanity work. There are also lots of celebrities like actors and sports persons who work for charitable institutions. They use their fame and influence to gather support for the causes they believe in. They attract a lot of respect. For instance, my country, there is an actor couple who quit their profession to volunteer for a charity helping poor children. These actors are well recognized because of their kind acts and not because of their hard cash. In conclusion, I firmly believe that money will certainly increase a customer's social standing. Therefore, old values such as kindness and generosity are still very much cherished and in older to win the true love and admiration of their fellow citizens rich people have to show kindness and generosity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that values as
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
and kindness have become unimportant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is the amount of money an individual has. I
strongly
disagree with statement and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reasons below.

There is no doubt that respect towards richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
increased in the few decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the main income you have, the more respected you will be.
However
, it does not mean that a rich somebody is more valued. Illustrate this, someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money and does not share his wealth is going to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a selfish customer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
neither like nor respect them. Due to this, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
serve the society through their charitable acts receive a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of adulation and admiration. Take,
for instance
, the case of Bill Gates. He is one of the most respected
Please check whether a plural form of 'personality' should be used.
personality
in the whole world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Rather
, what made him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
respectable is his charity, humanity work.

There are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of celebrities like actors and sports persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work for charitable institutions. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their fame and influence to gather support for the causes they believe in. They attract a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of respect.
For instance
, my country, there is an actor couple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
quit their profession to volunteer for a charity helping poor children. These actors are well recognized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their kind acts and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
cash.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
believe that money will
certainly
increase a customer's social standing.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
values such as kindness and generosity are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much cherished and in older to win the true
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and admiration of their fellow citizens rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
kindness and generosity.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay A person worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values such as honour, kindness and trust no longer seem important. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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