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A person should never make an important decision alone. v.2

A person should never make an important decision alone. v. 2
From my everyday experience and observation, I can claim that discussion of an important decision with other people brings many benefits. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to defend this statement. First of all, different people have different opinions. In order to make the right choice people should discuss every possible decision and its consequences. Making an important decision alone can bring many negative aspects. For instance, a person can reveal his selfishness or impatience and the consequences of that decision can affect many people in the future. I think that a good and wise decision can be born only by great discussions because people can share their knowledge and experiences a look at the problem from different sides and aspects. Second of all, I think that making an important decision alone is unacceptable especially for a company. Imagine that a chief makes the decision about increasing a production line without discussing it with his employees. In this case, a part of company's profit will be spending on extended purchase of raw materials. So the shareholders will be left without dividends. This decision may lead to getting rid of company's shares and as a result of this declining the value of a company as a whole. Finally, taking a big decision without discussing others is sometimes negative because when the question arises of taking a major decision, people often feel tensed and for this single reason he/ she can't think about all the issue. Again our friends, family members, co-workers care about us so much and when they are asked to opine about and issue like: 'whether I should do it or not'; they will give the best opinion possible as well as both negative and positive sides. To sum up, I think that a person should always consult his relatives or colleges when making an important decision to avoid possible mistakes.
From my everyday experience and observation, I can claim that discussion of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to defend this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should discuss every possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
and its consequences. Making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
alone can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects.
For instance
, a person can reveal his selfishness or impatience and the consequences of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and wise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
can
be born
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by great discussions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their knowledge and experiences a look at the problem from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides and aspects.

Second of all, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
alone is unacceptable
especially
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Imagine that a chief
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
about increasing a production line without discussing it with his employees.
In this case
, a part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's profit will be spending on extended
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of raw materials.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the shareholders will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
without dividends. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
may lead to getting rid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's shares and
as a result
of this declining the value of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as a whole.

Finally
, taking a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
without discussing others is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the question arises of taking a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
feel tensed and for this single reason he/ she can't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
about all the issue. Again our friends, family members, co-workers care about us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much and when they
are asked
to opine about and issue like: 'whether I should do it or not'; they will give the best opinion possible
as well
as both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides.

To sum up, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that a person should always consult his relatives or colleges when making an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to avoid possible mistakes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay A person should never make an important decision alone. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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