Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.13

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 13
There is no doubt that physical exercise is an integral part of our lives and plays a crucial role to keep everyone healthy. A number of health enthusiasts, therefore, suggest that physical tutorials should be inherited in schools, thus aiming to deal with critical health-related issues afterwards. However, I do not accord with the above mentioned statement, especially in terms of including an entire curriculum in the education system, and in this essay, I will highlight my views with pertinent examples. One concern in terms of time and money is that if a formal school gets associated to develop it's physical education modules and seasoned tutors, many hours along with money will be invested in a grey area. The reason for this is that any kind of workout or manual labour depends on a person's willingness - not on awareness. For instance, boarding schools, where physical activities are heavily emphasized, often face a few obese pupils, who are neither motivated or interested. Furthermore, it would be barely feasible to measure someone's interest to lose her/his weight in the future after introducing such programmes. Another significant problem is that mandated participation would not produce the best output, whereas active people are usually being committed to do a morning walk or an evening run voluntarily. As the end result of the physical education cannot be ensured, people may not be nudged to become slim after their graduation. For example, Olympic athletes are often driven to pursue their career in a running field or a swimming track for their passion, which cannot be brought forcefully. As a possible consequence of pushing it forward, young minds could alter to be more rebellious rather than fitter. In conclusion, a class dedicated to enhancing the physical state would not only be costly and time consuming, but also be strict to many kids and adolescents, who will be enrolled there for the sake of their attendance - not for pursuing it religiously.
There is no doubt that
physical
exercise is an integral part of our
lives
and plays a crucial role to
keep
everyone healthy. A number of health enthusiasts,
therefore
, suggest that
physical
tutorials should
be inherited
in schools,
thus
aiming to deal with critical health-related issues afterwards.
However
, I do not accord with the above mentioned statement,
especially
in terms of including an entire curriculum in the education system, and in this essay, I will highlight my views with pertinent examples.

One concern in terms of time and money is that if a formal school
gets
associated to develop
it's
physical
education modules and seasoned tutors,
many
hours along with money will
be invested
in a
grey
area.
The reason for this is
that any kind of workout or manual
labour
depends on a person's willingness
-
not on awareness.
For instance
, boarding schools, where
physical
activities are
heavily
emphasized,
often
face a few obese pupils, who are neither motivated
or
interested.
Furthermore
, it would be
barely
feasible to measure someone's interest to lose her/his weight in the future after introducing such
programmes
.

Another significant problem is that mandated participation would not produce the best output, whereas active
people
are
usually
being committed
to do a morning walk or an evening run
voluntarily
. As the
end
result of the
physical
education cannot
be ensured
,
people
may not
be nudged
to become slim after their graduation.
For example
, Olympic athletes are
often
driven to pursue their career in a running field or a swimming
track
for their passion, which cannot
be brought
forcefully
. As a possible consequence of pushing it forward, young minds could alter to be more rebellious
rather
than fitter.

In conclusion
, a
class
dedicated to enhancing the
physical
state would not
only
be costly and
time consuming
,
but
also
be strict to
many
kids and adolescents, who will
be enrolled
there for the sake of their attendance
-
not for pursuing it
religiously
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts