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Describe something you did that was new or exciting; you should say: what you did, where and when you did this, who you shared the activity with, and explain why this activity was new or exciting for you v.1

Describe something you did that was new or exciting; you should say: what you did, where and when you did this, who you shared the activity with, and explain why this activity was new or exciting for you v. 1
It is widely accepted that reducing crime has a crucial role in increasing public well-being. Over the past few years, crime is becoming more frequent and violent in numerous nations. In this essay, I will demonstrate how the poverty is the main driving factor behind this phenomenon, and some viable measures to mitigate this trend are also outlined below. The foremost culprit of the rise in crimes is poverty. Given that many poor people may be uneducated and lack the necessary skills to find a job, most of them are unemployed. As a corollary, to earn a living, many have had resort to crimes. Besides that, poverty is also the reason why crimes are becoming more violent in nature. For example, according to research published by the Vietnam government, violent crimes involving knives and firearms in the latest decade in Vietnam, especially mass murderers, registered the highest number than any periods in the past. This bears a testament to why crime issues may become worsen with more violent activities. To effectively address the aforementioned issue from the root, I believe that governments should focus on the following measures. To begin with, authorities should put more efforts in solving the unemployment problem which is proven to be inextricably linked to crime. This can be achieved in the foreseeable future by providing their citizens, especially in poverty-stricken regions, with vocational training and more job opportunities. In the long term, governments should attempt to improve their countries’ economies and enhance social stability, which can go a long way towards diminishing the unemployment rate. Simultaneously, crime education should be adopted as a new subject in the school’s curriculum to ensure that younger generations perceive the importance of their compliance with the law. As a part of this scheme, ex-convicts should be invited as speakers who will enlighten students about the lifelong consequences of crime, threrby dispelling criminal intent. In conclusion, I believe that the rise in the number of offences and violence can be ascribed to crippling poverty in many countries, and thus the proposed solutions including the reduction of unemployment and educational teaching methods are both feasible measures to alleviate this phenomenon.
It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has a crucial role in increasing public well-being. Over the past few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is becoming more frequent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
in numerous nations. In this essay, I will demonstrate how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is the main driving factor behind this phenomenon, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable measures to mitigate this trend are
also
outlined below.

The foremost culprit of the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
be uneducated
and lack the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to find a job, most of them
are unemployed
. As a corollary, to earn a living,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have had resort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Besides
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
is
also
the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are becoming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
in nature.
For example
, according to research published by the Vietnam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
involving knives and firearms in the latest decade in Vietnam,
especially
mass murderers, registered the highest number than any periods in the past. This bears a testament to why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
issues may become worsen with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
activities.

To
effectively
address the aforementioned issue from the root, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should focus on the following measures. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, authorities should put more efforts in solving the unemployment problem which
is proven
to be
inextricably
linked to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This can
be achieved
in the foreseeable future by providing their citizens,
especially
in poverty-stricken regions, with vocational training and more job opportunities. In the long term,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their countries’ economies and enhance social stability, which can go a long way towards diminishing the unemployment rate.
Simultaneously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
education should
be adopted
as a new subject in the school’s curriculum to ensure that younger generations perceive the importance of their compliance with the law. As a part of this scheme, ex-convicts should
be invited
as speakers who will enlighten students about the lifelong consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
threrby
dispelling criminal intent.

In conclusion
, I believe that the rise in the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
and violence can
be ascribed
to crippling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, and
thus
the proposed solutions including the reduction of unemployment and educational teaching methods are both feasible measures to alleviate this phenomenon.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe something you did that was new or exciting; you should say: what you did, where and when you did this, who you shared the activity with, and explain why this activity was new or exciting for you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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