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A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. v.3

A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. v. 3
It has been a long time since education had important effect on students’ future. To have a better future in career they should enter college. Before entering college they have to pass curriculum in high school. In my opinion, every nation should suggest all of its students to study same national curriculum before they start to study at college. Studying the same national curriculum at school provides the same situation for students who want to take part in colleges entrance exams. Actually, students all over the country have the same opportunity and facility to compete with each other. For example, students who live in villages and deprived areas have a good chance to become successful in these exams because all the subjects which they have to study for the exams are the same as what other students in rich cities study. On the other hand, the rule of implementing national curriculum all over the nation helps government to identify talented students and invest in them. For instance, in some regions of countries physical education isn’t highlighted and school heads don’t pay attention to it. If nations need all of schools deans to present the same national curriculum to the students, gifted students will be found in every field of study. However, there are some economic issues which lead to lack of observation by government. In this case, equality in national curriculum will be lost. There isn’t enough money to support schools in some poor regions so they don’t manage national curriculum the same as the wealthy areas. To overcome these problems, government should regulate some strategies which assign budget to manage institutions in underdeveloped regions. To conclude, the better education situation e. g. national curriculum students have in their schools, the more successful students will be in passing entrance exams of colleges. Also, it is necessary to develop same national curriculum all over the nation.
It has been a long time since education had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
future. To have a better future in career they should enter college.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
entering college they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In my opinion, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should suggest all of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at college.

Studying the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides the same situation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in colleges entrance exams. Actually,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
all over the country have the same opportunity and facility to compete with each other.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in villages and deprived areas have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance to become successful in these exams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the subjects which they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for the exams are the same as what other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in rich cities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to identify talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and invest in them.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions of countries physical education isn’t highlighted and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
heads don’t pay attention to it. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
need all of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
deans to present the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
be found
in every field of study.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
economic issues which lead to lack of observation by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
In this case
, equality in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
will
be lost
. There isn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor regions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don’t manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
the same as the wealthy areas. To overcome these problems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should regulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strategies which assign budget to manage institutions in underdeveloped regions.

To conclude
, the better education situation
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the more successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be in passing entrance exams of colleges.
Also
, it is necessary to develop same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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