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Violence in society increases when more violence is shown on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree? . v.2

Violence in society increases when more violence is shown on television. . v. 2
In recent times, a lot of debate is going on regarding the role of television in increasing crime rate. Some argue that this is due to the increase in the amount in violence shown on television and I completely agree on this. It is undoubtedly a fact that television and the media have a lot of impact on the society. The increase in the amount of violence shown has a detrimental effect on people, especially the youngsters. Firstly, they tend to mimic what ever is shown and hence try to copy the same in real life. For instance, a lot of young students are killing their classmates just because they are angry at them for silly reasons and this is how some hero or star in a series or movie did. Besides, they feel they will be considered as adults only if they did such thing and hence follow whatever they, without thinking about its side effects. Moreover, few even consider this as a way to prove that they are superior and everyone should obey them. Secondly, a lot of offenders now are under aged and they don't even know what they have done is right or wrong. Nevertheless, children usually grasp everything quickly and someone should be there to guide them on the wrong deeds. If the see some violence in the television or social media and if no one is there to correct them, they will unknowingly commit the crime without realizing the punishment or the impact it has. For example, the recent shootings in a school in the United States are committed by kids who are manipulated by criminals. Being innocent and vulnerable, they are easily becoming the prey here. To conclude, television has a major role to play in the present society. In my opinion, the contents shown has to be censored properly so that it will not cause harm to anyone and there should be a rule not to show violent shoes or clips during peak hours.
In recent times, a
lot
of debate is going on regarding the role of
television
in increasing crime rate.
Some
argue that this is due to the increase in the amount in violence shown on
television
and I completely
agree
on this.

It is
undoubtedly
a fact that
television
and the media have a
lot
of impact on the society. The increase in the amount of violence shown has a detrimental effect on
people
,
especially
the youngsters.
Firstly
, they tend to mimic what ever
is shown
and
hence
try to copy the same in real life.
For instance
, a
lot
of young students are killing their classmates
just
because
they are angry at them for silly reasons and this is how
some
hero or star in a series or movie did.
Besides
, they feel they will
be considered
as adults
only
if they did such thing and
hence
follow whatever they, without thinking about its side effects.
Moreover
, few even consider this as a way to prove that they are superior and everyone should obey them.

Secondly
, a
lot
of offenders
now
are under
aged and
they don't even know what they have done is right or
wrong
.
Nevertheless
, children
usually
grasp everything
quickly
and someone should be there to guide them on the
wrong
deeds. If the
see
some
violence in the
television
or social media and if no one is there to correct them, they will
unknowingly
commit the crime without realizing the punishment or the impact it has.
For example
, the recent shootings in a school in the United States
are committed
by kids who
are manipulated
by criminals. Being innocent and vulnerable, they are
easily
becoming the prey here.

To conclude
,
television
has a major role to play in the present society. In my opinion, the contents shown
has to
be censored
properly
so
that it will not cause harm to anyone and there should be a
rule
not to
show
violent shoes or clips during peak hours.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Violence in society increases when more violence is shown on television. . v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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