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A large number of students feel more excited about classes in which they can openly talk to the teacher, and the lectures are at a minimum. On the other hand, some students believe that a class that includes more lectures and less open discussions is a be v.1

A large number of students feel more excited about classes in which they can openly talk to the teacher, and the lectures are at a minimum. On the other hand, some students believe that a class that includes more lectures and less open discussions is a be v. 1
We live in a changing world so that education plays a vital part in developing young people for modern life. While some people claim that schools should remove art and music from the syllabus in order to pay attention to practical courses, I would argue that both of them are necessary for youngsters. It is obvious that children should focus on practical subjects such as information technology, maths, chemistry. Nowadays, due to the advancement in the technology, the job market requires more and more technical individuals. By focusing on practical courses, the youth can get more benefits for their career in the future. For example, a recent report from Oxford University, showed that 75% of jobs in western countries are for people relating to telecom, software and computer skills, and only 5% for artistic skills. Therefore, young people have to complete effectively these subjects in order to become more competitive in the labor market. On the other hand, there are many reasons why art and music should be incorporated into the school syllabus. First, this subject trains young generations to be creative and innovative. Besides, art and music bring excitement into the learning process. In particular, it could get rid of student’s stress and boost positive emotion because it is not as hard as maths or other stressful subjects. Consequently, students will obtain healthy emotions and better learning. In conclusion, although some people agree that the school system should be focused on practical subjects and remove others like music and arts, I totally agree that both of them are equally important and they should be combined in the school curriculum.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a changing world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that education plays a vital part in developing young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for modern life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should remove
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
from the syllabus in order to pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
courses, I would argue that both of them are necessary for youngsters.

It is obvious that children should focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as information technology,
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, chemistry. Nowadays, due to the advancement in the technology, the job market requires more and more technical individuals. By focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
courses, the youth can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more benefits for their career in the future.
For example
, a recent report from Oxford University,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 75% of jobs in western countries are for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relating to telecom, software and computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% for artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
complete
effectively
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in order to become more competitive in the labor market.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should
be incorporated
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus.
First
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
trains young generations to be creative and innovative.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
bring excitement into the learning process.
In particular
, it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of student’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and boost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
or other stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Consequently
, students will obtain healthy emotions and better learning.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
system should
be focused
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and remove others like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that both of them are
equally
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
important and
they should
be combined
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay A large number of students feel more excited about classes in which they can openly talk to the teacher, and the lectures are at a minimum. On the other hand, some students believe that a class that includes more lectures and less open discussions is a be v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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