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Imagine that you have just begun studying at a new university. Which of the following do you think would be better for you to take a tour of the whole campus. 1) A second-year student gives you a personal tour of the whole campus2) you are given a detailed v.1

Imagine that you have just begun studying at a new university. Which of the following do you think would be better for you to take a tour of the whole campus. 1) A second-year student gives you a personal tour of the whole campus2) you are given a detailed v. 1
In this day and age, millennials spend a humungous amount on diverse goods since they remunerate more as compared to the past. This essay will outline that this trend has positive growth, such as people can fulfill their aspirations, and negative impacts, such as they will face rainy days if they spend money lavishly. On the bright side, the primary advantage of expenditure on the valuable items is that people can buy anything whatever they want. To specify, individuals are used to purchasing modern attires, advanced types of technological equipment, new mobile phones to meet their demands. Moreover, today’s generation enjoys memorable moments by watching movies with their loved ones. Besides this, the majority of families organize special events, for example, birthday, and wedding parties; although it consumes an enormous budget, it renders an opportunity to spend quality time with family and friends. For instance, we all have one life, and a famous Epicurean Philosophy of Life states that earn, spend, and enjoy life. On the dark side, expenditure on distinct things has downsides as well. Firstly, if people utilize their cash on unnecessary things, they will struggle a lot in terms of funds once they get old because they will unable to enjoy dignified and self-reliant life. Rather than spending on invaluable items, they should provide higher education to their children in prestigious schools as children are the future of parents. Secondly, kids learn plenty of moral values from their parents, so they can merely save money provided their parents do this. Hence, parents’ habits also affect their kids. A recent survey conducted by Oxford University reported, wealthy persons, spend one-third part of their earning luxuriously, which they could pay for their child education. To conclude, the outlay on important and unimportant things has merits, as well as demerits; however, people should spend valuable money wisely in order to secure their future.
In this day and age, millennials
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
a humungous amount on diverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
since they remunerate more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to the past. This essay will outline that this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can fulfill their aspirations, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts, such as they will face rainy days if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
money
lavishly
.

On the bright side, the primary advantage of expenditure on the valuable items is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything whatever they want. To specify, individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to purchasing modern attires, advanced types of technological equipment, new mobile phones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their demands.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation enjoys memorable moments by watching movies with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Besides
this, the majority of families organize special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
for example
, birthday, and wedding parties; although it consumes an enormous budget, it renders an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality time with family and friends.
For instance
, we all have one life, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Epicurean Philosophy of Life states that earn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
, and enjoy life.

On the dark side, expenditure on distinct things has downsides
as well
.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilize their cash on unnecessary things, they will struggle a lot in terms of funds once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Did you mean "will be unable"?
will unable
to enjoy dignified and self-reliant life.
Rather
than spending on invaluable items, they should provide higher education to their children in prestigious schools as children are the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Secondly
, kids learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of moral values from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
merely
save money provided their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do this.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
habits
also
affect their kids. A recent survey conducted by Oxford University reported, wealthy persons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
one-third part of their earning
luxuriously
, which they could pay for their child education.

To conclude
, the outlay on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and unimportant things has merits,
as well
as demerits;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
valuable money
wisely
in order to secure their future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Imagine that you have just begun studying at a new university. Which of the following do you think would be better for you to take a tour of the whole campus. 1) A second-year student gives you a personal tour of the whole campus2) you are given a detailed v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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