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A large company in your area has decided to spen a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local dhildren's sport team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the co v.1

A large company in your area has decided to spen a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local dhildren's sport team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the co v. 1
Concerning the issue of advertising, people hold different views. While I accept that advertisement induces people to buy unnecessary things, I personally believe that it helps us to find more new products to improve our lives. Thus, it should be developed. On the one hand, there are several reasons why it is thought that advertising makes us waste money affording unjustified merchandise. The first factor is that conglomeration always gives good policy for customers. For example, the bread sold in the supermarkets is a product that has a short expiry date within two or three days. When seeing a promotion called buy 2 get 1 free offered by the bread shop, consumers immediately buy it to save money although they cannot consume all the bread within three days. Another reason is that companies always exaggerate the advantages of the goods. For instance, the skincare products used to be advertised a lot on television or social networks with eye-catching images, great uses like rejuvenating and brightening the skin. Many people are attracted by that and buying merchandise. But after using, they realize that the efficiency was not as magical as they watched on advertising posters, videos, …In worse situations, some people are allergic to ingredients in skincare product and their skin is harmed. However, advertising is an important tool in spreading better products as well as giving more choices to the public. Firstly, advertising helps each person to select suitable items for them. Watching advertisements, people can compare the quality and the price of products among brands. Therefore, they can give the right choice satisfying their need and their economic condition. Secondly, advertising provides useful information to watchers. For instance, thanks to the promotion, cars with state-of-the-art features that allow people to travel more comfortably can quickly reach potential customers. Hence, people would have more chances to get knowledge about the car in advance not only its quality but also the cost, which will enhance their shopping experiments. In conclusion, while many people believe advertising advises us to buy things we do not need, I believe it helps us to approach new products that may improve our lives.
Concerning the issue of advertising,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views. While I accept that advertisement induces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
unnecessary things, I
personally
believe that it
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "helps us find"?
helps us to find
more new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Thus
, it should
be developed
.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us waste money affording unjustified merchandise. The
first
factor is that conglomeration always gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
policy for customers.
For example
, the bread sold in the supermarkets is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
that has a short expiry date within two or three days. When seeing a promotion called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
2
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
1 free offered by the bread shop, consumers immediately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it to save money although they cannot consume all the bread within three days. Another reason is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
always exaggerate the advantages of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
For instance
, the skincare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be advertised
a lot on television or social networks with eye-catching images, great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
like rejuvenating and brightening the skin.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
by that and buying merchandise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after using, they realize that the efficiency was not as magical as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on advertising posters, videos, …
Add a space between sentences
In
worse situations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are allergic to ingredients in skincare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and their skin
is harmed
.

However
, advertising is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
tool in spreading better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as well
as giving more choices to the public.
Firstly
, advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
each person to select suitable items for them. Watching advertisements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can compare the quality and the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
among brands.
Therefore
, they can give the right choice satisfying their need and their economic condition.
Secondly
, advertising provides useful information to watchers.
For instance
, thanks to the promotion, cars with state-of-the-art features that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel more
comfortably
can
quickly
reach potential customers.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have more chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about the car in advance not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
its quality
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the cost, which will enhance their shopping experiments.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe advertising advises us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things we do not need, I believe it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to approach new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay A large company in your area has decided to spen a certain amount of money, either to sponsor a local dhildren's sport team for two years, or to pay for two open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the co v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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