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A large amount of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people say these have negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

A large amount of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people say these have negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. v. 1
The debate on the impact of advertisements on children has been contentious lately. Some people are of the opinion that advertisements have a negative impact on children while others do not think likewise. I completely agree that advertisements should not be shown to children because of the negative influence that it will have on them. The most compelling reason for my view is that I believe that advertisements are just a form of marketing gimmicks, targeted at specific audiences to convince them into buying unnecessary items. In this case, when children are exposed to advertisements relating to toys, chances are that they will be pestering their parents to splurge on redundant objects. The money spent on these items could have been spent on more practical items. The next reason to support my opinion is that nowadays advertising companies invested a humongous amount of money into advertising food. Take Macdonalds as an example, it is a fast-food restaurant that serves unhealthy foods. However, in recent years, the advertisements have been improvised to create an illusion of healthy burgers selling in Macdonalds. Many children who were influenced by the false advertising, has chosen to take burger and fries on a regular basis. As a result, they all struggled to deal with obesity at a tender age. The last reason to support my viewpoint is that, in a recent survey conducted on parents with young children, they shared that their children are often buying items as a form of competition among their peers due to the influence of advertisements. Personally, I feel that it is indirectly promoting a materialistic lifestyle among children as they spend unnecessarily to compete with one another. To conclude, I strongly believe that it is imperative to ban all advertisements as it has proven to have a negative impact on children.
The debate on the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been contentious lately.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while others do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
likewise
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
should not
be shown
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence that it will have on them.

The most compelling reason for my view is that I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a form of marketing gimmicks, targeted at specific audiences to convince them into buying unnecessary items.
In this case
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
relating to toys, chances are that they will be pestering their parents to splurge on redundant objects. The money spent on these items could have
been spent
on more practical items.

The
next
reason to support my opinion is that nowadays advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
invested a humongous amount of money into advertising food. Take
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macdonalds
as an example, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurant that serves unhealthy foods.
However
, in recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have
been improvised
to create an illusion of healthy burgers selling in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Macdonalds
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
were influenced
by the false advertising, has chosen to take burger and fries on a regular basis.
As a result
, they all struggled to deal with obesity at a tender age.

The last reason to support my viewpoint is that, in a recent survey conducted on parents with young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they shared that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
buying items as a form of competition among their peers due to the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Personally
, I feel that it is
indirectly
promoting a materialistic lifestyle among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as they spend
unnecessarily
to compete with one another.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that it is imperative to ban all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
as it has proven to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay A large amount of advertisements nowadays are targeted at children. Many people say these have negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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