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A large amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

A large amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. v. 2
In today' s world, advertisements are proliferating in almost every sector of business. As a result, a number of people opine that advertisement, especially aiming children, have detrimental effects. However, I partially agree than rather than banning advertisements, we should show our children an appropriate direction and convince them. It is indubitably true that in recent times, a large number of companies are targeting children as their main consumer through advertising. Such advertisement should be banned and there are several reasons for this. Firstly, children are often lured by the attractive advertisement, and also by the small gifts that come along with the product. As a result, they usually don' t understand the value of money which may stand as an obstacle in their future. For example, A child may insist for a toy, whose value is not that high but this behavior can be harmful in near future when he asks everything he likes. Therefore, only such advertisement should be banned. Secondly, it is also seen that there are some advertisements which are truly beneficial to the consumers. By such advertisement children may learn some useful virtue. For instance, when a children watches an advertisement addressing to some educational purpose such as BYJU, which is a fun learning application for students. Hence it can be useful in many ways if right path is showed to children. Moreover, we cannot ban advertisement but we can convince and make them understand the value of money. In conclusion, it is true that the main aim of advertisements are children but it doesn' t mean that advertisement who are like a helping hand to children should also be banned. Instead children should be taught the difference of right and wrong.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are proliferating in almost every sector of business.
As a result
, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
,
especially
aiming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, have detrimental effects.
However
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
than
rather
than banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an appropriate direction and convince them.

It is
indubitably
true that in recent times,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as their main consumer through advertising. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
should
be banned
and there are several reasons for this.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lured by the attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, and
also
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
gifts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
along with the product.
As a result
, they
usually
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t understand the value of money which may stand as an obstacle in their future.
For example
, A child may insist for a toy, whose value is not that high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this behavior can be harmful in near future when he asks everything he likes.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
should
be banned
.

Secondly
, it is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which are
truly
beneficial to the consumers. By such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful virtue.
For instance
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You should probably use "watch".
watches
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
addressing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational purpose such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
BYJU
, which is a fun learning application for students.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it can be useful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways if right path is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Moreover
, we cannot ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can convince and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them understand the value of money.

In conclusion
, it is true that the main aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
who are like a helping hand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
also
be banned
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
the difference of right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay A large amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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