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A large amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. to what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

A large amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. v. 1
Universities are higher educational institutions that offer training to students in various fields. Some people generally believed it should focus its attention solely on educating people in other to develop vast understanding of important life matters from an informed viewpoint rather than preparing individuals for work opportunities required by the community. From an individual perspective, I strongly disagree with this view. On the one hand, there are several benefits that will be gained if universities invest more in increasing the general knowledge of students. First, there will be enough room to cover all important aspect of the curriculum, this will assist students develop better understanding of their course of choice without distractions. As a result of this, expert in different profession will be produced. Take Western Nigeria as a case study, recently, according to the research conducted by a senior lecturer, University of Ibadan, low productivity at work was traced back to inadequate training in during school days. Secondly, it equipped students with good decision making skills. Human life is based on risk taking and choices. The decisions will make today can either make or destroy our lives. Graduates that have undergone this process effectively always turn out better than their counterparts who were not provided the opportunity. On the other hand, getting undergraduates ready for what the labour market entails can not be underestimated. Previous knowledge about what makes an employee the best fit for employer’s choice will prepare them for what life has in stock. This will also increase their ability to operate within their maximum capacity at work. In addition, graduates can perfectly adapt to societal standards In conclusion, it will be of great benefits to both Learners and the community at large if universities strike a balance between these two areas.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
are higher educational institutions that offer training to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in various fields.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
generally
believed it should focus its attention
solely
on educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in other to develop vast understanding of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life matters from an informed viewpoint
rather
than preparing individuals for work opportunities required by the community. From an individual perspective, I
strongly
disagree with this view.

On the one hand, there are several benefits that will
be gained
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
invest more in increasing the general knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
First
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
room to cover all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of the curriculum, this will assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop better understanding of their course of choice without distractions.
As a result
of this, expert in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
profession will
be produced
. Take Western Nigeria as a case study, recently, according to the research conducted by a senior lecturer,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Ibadan, low productivity at work
was traced
back to inadequate training in during school days.

Secondly
, it equipped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Human life
is based
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
taking and choices. The decisions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
can either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Graduates that have undergone this process
effectively
always turn out better than their counterparts who were not provided the opportunity.

On the other hand
, getting undergraduates ready for what the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market entails can not
be underestimated
. Previous knowledge about what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an employee the best fit for employer’s choice will prepare them for what life has in stock. This will
also
increase their ability to operate within their maximum capacity at work.
In addition
, graduates can
perfectly
adapt to societal standards

In conclusion
, it will be of great benefits to both Learners and the community at large if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
strike a balance between these two areas.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay A large amount of advertisements nowadays are now targeted at children. Many people say this has negative effects on children and should therefore be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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