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A growing number of people work by telecommuting, that is, the employee works from home, using a computer and the Internet to connect with the office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working this way? v.2

A growing number of people work by telecommuting, that is, the employee works from home, using a computer and the Internet to connect with the office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working this way? v. 2
Technology has changed the way that we used to do for work. Through the computer, internet and networking now we can work from home. It has more advantages and some disadvantages that we will discuss this essay. Firstly, it will give more convenient time for work, we can adjust time-based on our convenience. Secondly, it will give more benefits to women with their young children. After giving birth to a child they will quit the job, but through work, from home option, they can start work after some time and give their time also to their child. Same like this, men can also save their time of commute and spend their time with loved once. Thirdly it will save organization resources and help in the environment because if less commute then less pollution and fresh air. On the other hand, some drawbacks are also there for this. Firstly, working from home somehow become the cause of to limit the persons' teamwork skills. If we work from we are doing work alone and Many business problem' s solutions need teamwork that entire teamwork in the same place. Secondly, it will stop your growth within the organization for the managerial place you have to work in a team environment. For this kind of position, you have to give your best performance in the team so they will recognize your work. Thirdly, we cannot give our full concentration on work while we are at home because there is always some distraction from our family members and also we need some help related work from our colleague that also not possible instantly in personal, have to send messages or send emails to our query and wait for there response. In conclusion, many organizations now urge their employees to do work from home because of its advantages and their disadvantage we can cut through proper management skill and we have to learn how to improve our interpersonal and team skills.
Technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Through the computer, internet and networking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home. It has more advantages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages that we will discuss this essay.

Firstly
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, we can adjust time-based on our convenience.
Secondly
, it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
more benefits to women with their young children. After giving birth to a child they will quit the job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, from home option, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
also
to their child. Same like this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can
also
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of commute and spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
once.
Thirdly
it will save organization resources and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if less commute
Did you mean "than"?
then
less pollution and fresh air.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks are
also
there for this.
Firstly
, working from home somehow become the cause of to limit the
Possible spelling mistake found.
persons&
#039; teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. If we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from we are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
alone and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
business
Possible spelling mistake found.
problem&
#039; s solutions need teamwork that entire teamwork in the same place.
Secondly
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
your growth within the organization for the managerial place you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a team environment. For this kind of position, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
your best performance in the team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will recognize your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Thirdly
, we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
our full concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while we are at home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distraction from our family members and
also
we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from our colleague that
also
not possible
instantly
in personal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
emails to our query and wait for there response.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
urge their employees to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its advantages and their disadvantage we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
through proper management
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
skill and
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our interpersonal and team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay A growing number of people work by telecommuting, that is, the employee works from home, using a computer and the Internet to connect with the office. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working this way? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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